Comparison: What Lies Behind that State of Mind?

We all have, at least, that one shoe we want to wear, but belongs to someone else


I’m one of those, who are ever ready to tell you how you shouldn’t compare yourself to others because y’all are on a different journey and all those cliché stuff we all say at some point. It’s not that I don’t believe that statement. It’s a fact: we are on different and distinctively customised journeys. There’s no valid basis for comparison.

There are more reasons why I tell myself not to compare myself or my life circumstances to others, no matter how capriciously justifiable it may seem.

I tell myself: Each of us has a different arrangement with God and with destiny. That this person has it all together in one solid piece now doesn’t mean that it’ll be so in the next how many years. That you can’t seem to strike that fortune just yet doesn’t mean that you won’t ever. Your timelines are different, so work with what you have in front of you. Sometimes, I even take it a step further: What you see now and you desire is small in comparison to what is to come for you. Be patient, Manuella. God is not sleeping.

Now, these are only a few of the pep talks I give myself when I catch myself, more often, having finished comparing myself to someone else, or right when I start that train of thought.

But today, I’m having a different talk with myself. I couldn’t even make out what my precise sentiments were ☹️.

One minute, I was like, Awww! Look at these people, so happy and jolly! But they didn’t even invite me ☹️. So I reminded myself: 🙄 Just look at you! Aren’t you the one that goes to lengths just to make yourself unavailable in their social circles? You built an entire city around your fortress, and then built a fortress around the city! So what are you complaining about? Meanwhile, you wouldn’t have been able to attend! You were at work, after all 🙄.

So I snapped out of my self-centered thought. I think I do this quite often.

I was then forced to examine the way I felt initially; how somewhat entitled I felt. I also had to examine how I felt after the reflection on how I had a significant part to play. Initially, I felt like, Why was I on my own? Why doesn’t anyone invite me to any of these things? Why doesn’t anyone remember I exist? Why don’t I get called out?

The honest truth is that these people are people that I would not have wanted to see because they would be looking to catch up on things that I don’t consider their business anymore. Another thing is that they’d want to rebuild friendships that I was only too happy to let go of once upon a time, and am not particularly optimistic about rekindling. You’d be amazed the lengths I go to stay hidden from and invisible to some people, especially people from a part of my past I wasn’t too enthusiastic about 🙈.

Essentially, the things we see in others and wish for are sometimes not ours because we block them from coming our way (which we will never remember when we’re indicting ourselves for being unfortunate). Some other times, we forget that people have things they struggle with, which are blessings we effortlessly enjoy, and whose “blessing” status we don’t even recognise because we’ve never had to seek those things. These people whose shoes we so badly wish to wear have sores for decades under their feet, but we only see the Zanotti and Louboutin shoes and whatever else we see on their feet.

But what is worse is how all this comparison makes us feel about ourselves, whether or not we realise it. I may not be able to list them all, but there’s nothing positive about the way it makes us feel. Among others, comparison makes us feel unfortunate, victimised, ill-fated. We may, we may not be. But I believe that I’m not any of those things.

So, when next we ask ourselves, Why does this person have everything I want?, we should remember to ask ourselves, What if all the things I enjoy are the very things s/he lacks? What if I’m not ready for it yet? What if it isn’t all it’s made out to be? Life is not fair, as you know. We can’t exchange our good health, riches, perfect sight, working limbs and co. for someone else’s (whatever it is), neither can we always have what we want.

Just know that in due time, what’s meant to be yours will be yours, with all the effort and appropriate attitude. So, do what you can while you can.

What Are You Refusing to Come to Terms With?

We all have demons we battle with denial and procrastination, and end up handing them the baton to catch up with our happiness

Facing something squarely requires courage and faith, among other things.

Inner voice: Manuella, listen to me.
*blocks ears*
Inner voice: 😐
Me: I know what you want to say and I don’t want to hear it.
Inner voice: Well, I’m only telling you because I want you to get comfortable with the idea. And I want you to stop fighting it.
Me: God, why do I have to listen to this? 😭
Inner voice: Manuella, it’s your imminent reality; you can’t keep fighting it and running away from it. You can’t see it yet, and you don’t even want to because of fear!
Me: 🤦🏾‍♀️😢

Very vague, right? I know. The topic to which this conversation applies to — thankfully, no longer on a daily basis — is one that’s mortally personal to me 🙈. I don’t know if the conversation sounds familiar to you; if you’ve ever had to battle an inner voice with your own unbelief, denial and avoidance of something you sense is imminent. If you got a chance, you’d probably delay that part of the future.

For some people, it’s detaching yourself from someone or something or a process you know is toxic for you. For others, it’s having to make a really big decision that has a significant impact on your life or on others’ lives. For some others, it’s bursting your own bubble, knowing that you’ve got your head in the clouds when you ought to apply self-honesty and practicality to your situation. It could be anything! Whatever it is, you’re simply running away from it. We have that in common, stranger.

Your catalyst may be fear, it may be your rejection of the imminent, it could be anything else.

Your mind independently and uncontrollably meditates on it, only awaking your consciousness when you find yourself reflexively engaging the meditation.

What are we refusing to come to terms with? Because the farther we run away from it, the longer the distance we have to walk back to face it squarely and deal with it.

Self-Discovery: Ever Heard of “The Spirit-Controlled Temperament”?

At some point in our lives, we make life-changing discoveries. This is mine.

If you were to wake me up and ask what my best book is, I’d say The Spirit-Controlled Temperament. It’s a life-changing book by Tim LaHaye. 

Wait o. All I’m doing here is sharing a bit of my journey of self discovery. 🙄 Don’t go and be looking for “So… what’s the moral of the story?”

Ok. So, what makes this book so fascinating? It helped me understand why I can come across as a grouch and sometimes embody a resentful, hard-driving, in short, Curtis Payne from House of Payne. It also made sense of why an unemotional and largely insensitive Curtis Payne can express so much concern for his loved ones, and be so concerned with social issues and others’ welfare. 

I don’t know if you like learning about yourself, but I do. Because even I surprise myself, at times. 

So, let’s dig in. 😁

Like I’ve said in one of my previous posts, I’m a choleric-melancholic, by nature. I’ll first break down the blend so you can understand why an undiluted combination of both can be lethal. 


Oh, this is only in relation to me – for obvious reasons aka it’s my blog and I’m obviously using myself as a case study 🙄. I definitely won’t be telling you all my choleric and melancholy traits; just the ones that I find striking. 🙃

Ok. Stereotypically, a choleric is “hot, quick, active, practical, and strong-willed …. He is often self-sufficient and very independent. He tends to be decisive and opinionated, finding it easy to make decisions for himself as well as for others … By nature Cholerics have a serious emotional deficiency …. Choleric women may cry only when facing the most desperate circumstances.” 👀 (The Spirit-Filled Temperament, Tim LaHaye).

Here’s a screenshot:


Now, my melancholy side.. 👀  


Tim LaHaye says the melancholy “… is perhaps the most dependable of all the temperaments, for his perfectionist tendencies do not permit him to be a shirker .…” In short, let me add a screenshot.

I’m not even going to bother to gloat 😏. 

Now, over to two key weaknesses 😩: “No one is more critical than the Melancholy. With unrealistic expectations of others, they cannot happily accept less than the very best.”

The Blend – ChlorMel

For those who don’t know, a temperament blend is the combination of an individual’s two temperaments; primary and secondary.

Hmmm.. The blend of my primary (choleric ) and my secondary (melancholy) is hypothetically the blackest sheep of the temperament blends. The “😧👎🏾”seem to be more than the “😀👍🏾” for the ChlorMels 😩. ChlorMels who are as natural and raw as them come… let me just grab one or more screenshots 🙈. #WeThankGodForTheHolySpirit!

I’m not apt to be a dictator 🙄. Hate? I don’t know about that 😕. Love? 🤷🏾😂 Oh, please! Yes, of course! 😁

👀🙈 Too. True.!


You see? It’s not all bad 😏. Tim actually says our strengths and weaknesses are kind of balanced on the scale… I don’t know how accurate that is 👀. 

Left to me, I would be unbothered about improving some of those weaknesses because they’re just mentally convenient for me. I would think to myself, Why would they think I’m too fussy? 🙄 Can’t they see that it could be better? On what planet does this arrangement even look attractive? 🙄.

Then there’s the part about speaking my mind, whether or not the other person wants to hear it. I would think sometimes, Why should I have to go through the stress of finding a nicer way to say that this design is ancient and obsolete and a waste of time and resources? Why can’t I just tell him that he looks like a frog when he smiles? 🙄


What Next?

See, the way this book is written, the strengths are discussed before the weaknesses. I like to have my bad news/ reports first, then the good ones. But the book makes it clear that those weaknesses are part of our being; they don’t make us less human. 

I’ve learned to embrace my strengths and deal with my weaknesses 😏. The key to overcoming weaknesses is to first identify and acknowledge their existence, then find effective ways of doing something about them. They can be worked upon. I don’t know who you go to for help with things that are possibly beyond you, but I go to God. And so does Tim. 

The most fantastic feature about this book for me is that it gives me an insight into why and how I can retune my weaknesses into strengths with the help of the Holy Spirit. In all my years of ignorantly being indifferent about my choleric emotional deficiency, I would occasionally feel the need to find a solution. I didn’t find any. My complete solution isn’t here yet, though. And I don’t know if it will ever be complete. But I’m learning to tone down the self-sufficiency (Zechariah 4:6) and look to God to help me practise 1 Cor. 13 and Gal. 5:22-24 effectively 😌. 

I mean, it’s amazing that as a naturally hostile and resentful choleric, I’m incapable of holding a grudge or treating people accordingly, based on the wrongs I know they’ve done. Once a few hours have gone by, I find it impossible to program my attitude towards them to match their offence. 

Like I said though, I’m still in the testing stages; part of my revisions are to temper my melancholy “realism” with optimism so I don’t emote pessimism. More so, I’ve come to appreciate the relationships I have – oh, wait! I’m not laying down my life for any friend, as it says about melancholies in the screenshot up there 😐. As much as I have bitter complaints about life, I have no interest in sleeping in a coffin any time soon. Even my best friends already know that I love them 😂. 

Furthermore, learning to hold those choleric comments in is also a thing because, as a matter of fact, I don’t want someone else to say to me the things I sometimes say to others in my mind – except there’s an existent mutual agreement on 100% undiluted honesty (my way). I know words can be very hurtful so I try to isolate myself and keep quiet when I know my sarcasm or “razor-sharp, active tongue” – as Tim puts is – is about to go into overdrive. 

Life is interesting, though. What is stereotypically termed as your own temperament weakness may be a strength to someone else, and could cause them to appreciate that attribute in you, especially when you manifest it. One man’s meat is another man’s poison 😏. I’m not talking about a sarcastic or caustic tongue 🙄.

Anyhoo, I’m still a work in progress 😌. Got a long way to go with *some* missing fruits of the Spirit 😩. But God is faithful 😅. 

Until you see me again, ✌🏾 I ♥️ you! Or do I? 🤔🙄

Growing: I Smh a Lot When I “Reflect”

I used to speak “implied”, now I speak “explicit”…

Sometimes, no scratch that, really often 🙊 I ask whoever’s secretly listening, What spaceship invaded earth and left this one behind? 😕

The purpose of reflection (in case no one told you 😕) is generally for you to recall certain occurrences and circumstances, to pick out important things (often lessons) that you might have missed out. Mine is to measure my wisdom and Continue reading “Growing: I Smh a Lot When I “Reflect””

Anyone Else Keep Wondering “Where” They’re Going to Meet “The One”?

Does this one, too, have a fault, or you just don’t want to find “him”?

I had the craziest idea while creating this blog: that I could meet this person on WordPress! 😆 I was like, “What?! 😂😂 Nah, you play too much!”

But, seriously, 😩 how many of us “unmarried” or just single people ask ourselves this question a gajillion times? 😂 I do! 🙋🏾 Frankly, I’m tired of imagining. 😂 Some days, I think I’m just high on oestrogen and I just want to meet him already. Other days, I’m like, “Bruh, wherever you are, stay there or stay away!” 😆 Continue reading “Anyone Else Keep Wondering “Where” They’re Going to Meet “The One”?”