What/Who is Ella, Emmanuella?

So I decided to “learn” about myself on Urban Dictionary..

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While writing my last blog post, I don’t know who sent me to go and look up my name on Urban Dictionary 😩. Here are some screenshots:

The only thing inaccurate about his definition is the insecurity. And I don’t “make sure people are there for me” 🙄. I don’t expect people to be there for me, but I will be there for them regardless 😘☺️.

Oh, I don’t have green eyes. They’re as brown as these ones: 👀.

What is inaccurate about this one 🧐? Again, the insecurity. What is it with the Ella’s these people know and insecurities 🤔?

I don’t get angry easily 😕.

Kooky? 🙄 Really? Lord and only Lord and oh, wait, my lost diary sessions since my laptop crashed (😩) know the truth about that one 👀. Bizarre 🙄? Talks too much? More like laughs too much 😂😂.

By the way, aside from whatever anyone says your name means or connotes, you define you; not anyone or anything else, not some algorithm somewhere. Don’t let things, circumstances or people define your identity for you 🤗.

In the interim, please, gaan shehk your name on Urban Dictionary and let me know what it means according to pop culture 😂!

One Weird/ Typical/ Whatever Night Going Home..

What goes on in your mind when you’re just watching life go by?

What kind of blogpost title is that even 🙄?

Abeg! Na you sabi 😒! Let me start my tale.

So this was the state of my mind going home one night..

While the driver of the yellow bus (danfo) was waiting at a bus stop to see if luck would be on his side and passengers would board, I spotted one woman walking by on the sidewalk. She has a very nice bum bum. Come, I don’t say “bum bum”; she has a nice bum, a nice ass. I hope she’s pregnant; that tummy is too big to be an ordinary pot. She’s got a very nice bum tho. I like it.

Some minutes later, another woman was innocently walking on the side of the road. Ah, that woman has a nice bum. It’s very nice.

Since the driver was speeding like a demon (to my delight), I decided to help him check his back and his side. I should even help him check his back. That thing (his mirror) is not working.

I was writing and looked up, only to see a lot of people boarding the bus. These must be church people. Let me put my phone in one corner before they start to shine their eyes inside my phone. But I’m sitting by the window and that’s how those useless possessed animals roaming the road will come and snatch someone’s phone inside this hold up. Come sef, the one that is making loud phone call behind me and talking into my available ear 🙄. Nonsense and rubbish 😒. But I don’t want to put my earphone in that ear 😩.

The smell of shit snapped me out of my monologue. I looked up to see a LAWMA (waste management) truck on the other side of the road 😩. H’o my goodneizz! Come, why are there so many people on the road these days 🙄.

From the moment those church people boarded the bus, I kept turning to my side to look at the guy that sat beside me when they boarded. I hope he’s not looking at my phone. I mean, he shouldn’t be able to see what I’m writing unless he’s got microscopic eyes 😕. And why does he keep smiling? What’s so funny 😕. After the last look I took at him, Ewo! He’s not smiling! His mouth is just positioned like that, with his teeth trying to say hi. Shoo! Nawa o!

After praying for a red bus (you see, you’ve gotta love them if you’re not a fan of sluggishness) and waiting at my connecting bus stop for one for less than five minutes, a white (coaster) bus turned up. Ijora, Ijora! Eii! This one is going to Costain 😕. So I got on it. After all, it’s the same price as the red one. And it’s normally not slow.

I kept looking back and saw a red bus halting to a stop right behind the bus I was in. And the bus I was in was already starting to move ☹️. That’s how I’ll come down now, only for that red bus to be going to Yaba-Oyingbo 😕. Let me just stay on this one and hope it moves fast, instead of risking it and waiting for Lord knows how long before a Kpangroof-Onipanu-Ojuelegba-Stadium-Barrack-Costain one comes along ☹️.

So I stayed put and spent Lord knows how many minutes looking back and stretching my neck to see if that red bus was catching up yet. Good. I’m not even sure it was going to Costain. But this one (that I’m in) that is doing sme sme and driving as if the engine will die if he dares to move fast nko 😩. H’o my goodneizz!

Minutes and some little traffic later, I looked back again. The red bus wasn’t even in sight (it was far behind). Yass 💃🏾🙌🏾! But this one needs to move else we’ll sleep on the road today 😫.

A few minutes later..

Nooooooooooooooo 😫😭. I said it! That red bus will eventually pass us 😢. With the way these ones are moving as if they were told that their destiny is somewhere in between where they picked me up from and where they’re going 😒. Won ma ma rin b’igbin (they’ll be moving like snails) 😒. Nonsense and rubbish. That red bus had better be going to Yaba-Oyingbo 😫.

A few minutes to my destination’s bus stop, the bus stopped at a stop and was starting to spend more than a few seconds there. Let’s be going 😩😫! Which kind of alakoba is this one gan 🙄!

After Lord knows how math minutes in total of whimpering here and there, I got to my penultimate stop; the one from which I get to my house 😪.

Funny story, this is me every other day 🙊.

Alright my lovelies! See you again soon 😘! If you’re seeing this, thank you for reading 😁!

A very excited Manuella. xx

Conventions: Social or “You”?

We do live in a world that constantly tries to play “doll” with our lives

Some of the older generation — and those who yield to everything they say because they don’t want to get on the former’s bad side — would say that I have wrong or lopsided ambitions or outlooks on life. And when I try to sell them a minute in my lenses, they say I’m stubborn.

Nah. They’ve got it all wrong 😏. I’m just not a fan of social conventions, [conclusive] generalisations and stereotypes. More importantly, I’m just convinced and clearly confident and comfortable in my beliefs and values, even if I’m the only one in my pool.

Sometimes, I stick out like a full lemon in the middle of a red velvet cake. I’m just not-your-ordinary-girl like that 🙃. Oh, please, this is not a conclusive generalisation 😂. In some instances, you just might find me seeming to follow social convention 👀. Here’s the deal: sometimes, I do; sometimes, I just happen to do be doing “me”, which is incidentally the norm by social convention.

For instance, I don’t believe that life should have a certain timeline with chronologically identical events, and that it’s how everybody’s life should go. Nah, B. That’s balls.

On the other hand, I do want to wait until I’m married to have kids; I simply don’t want to raise my kids with the risk of an absentee and/or uncommitted father, neither do I want to raise a family without a man I’ve got locked down (on all fronts) 😏. Boo, we in this together; ain’t no one going nowhere 😂! Jokes apart though, for me, marriage and family necessitate a greater sense of indefinite commitment to one person and eventually, a group of people.

Those are the rules. That’s what we practice. It’s been like that for centuries.” Weirdest thing!!!! I took a break to watch Zee World (My Lost Home) 🙊 and I heard those words from Bridge (I don’t even know if that’s how his name is spelled 😂!). I just spent how many minutes reading through the info for the next week to see if his name was anywhere there, so I could dob the spelling 🙊🙈. Whatever (in Shabd’s voice 👀)!

Back to the matter. What in the world is “those are the rules”?? Who set them? Where are they set in stone?? What century do you live in?? Who dictates to you how you should live?? Society or you?? Or maybe me.. 😏😂.

You’ve probably heard it a million times, but there’s absolutely no valid reason out there why you should live your life following rules (so long as they’re not legally binding) that “someone” “somewhere” impliedly or explicitly set, if you’re not convinced in your heart that it’s a suitable way of life for you.

You came to this world alone; you’ll leave alone. Don’t let anyone map your life out for you. If it’s not God doing that, then it should be you. Not me, not Gandhi, not Shakespeare, not your whoever, most certainly not people you don’t know from Adam! Do you!

I’m hungry ☹️. Baiiii 🙋🏾‍♀️✌🏾!!!!

Wait, 🙊 I’m going to start a software engineering/development blog within the next couple of months 💃🏾. If you’re a fellow programmer/developer, it finna be lit 🔥🔥!!!! I take detailed ass notes for days!!!!

Self-Discovery: Ever Heard of “The Spirit-Controlled Temperament”?

At some point in our lives, we make life-changing discoveries. This is mine.

If you were to wake me up and ask what my best book is, I’d say The Spirit-Controlled Temperament. It’s a life-changing book by Tim LaHaye. 

Wait o. All I’m doing here is sharing a bit of my journey of self discovery. 🙄 Don’t go and be looking for “So… what’s the moral of the story?”

Ok. So, what makes this book so fascinating? It helped me understand why I can come across as a grouch and sometimes embody a resentful, hard-driving, in short, Curtis Payne from House of Payne. It also made sense of why an unemotional and largely insensitive Curtis Payne can express so much concern for his loved ones, and be so concerned with social issues and others’ welfare. 

I don’t know if you like learning about yourself, but I do. Because even I surprise myself, at times. 

So, let’s dig in. 😁

Like I’ve said in one of my previous posts, I’m a choleric-melancholic, by nature. I’ll first break down the blend so you can understand why an undiluted combination of both can be lethal. 


Choleric

Oh, this is only in relation to me – for obvious reasons aka it’s my blog and I’m obviously using myself as a case study 🙄. I definitely won’t be telling you all my choleric and melancholy traits; just the ones that I find striking. 🙃

Ok. Stereotypically, a choleric is “hot, quick, active, practical, and strong-willed …. He is often self-sufficient and very independent. He tends to be decisive and opinionated, finding it easy to make decisions for himself as well as for others … By nature Cholerics have a serious emotional deficiency …. Choleric women may cry only when facing the most desperate circumstances.” 👀 (The Spirit-Filled Temperament, Tim LaHaye).

Here’s a screenshot:


🙊🤐

Now, my melancholy side.. 👀  


Melancholy

Tim LaHaye says the melancholy “… is perhaps the most dependable of all the temperaments, for his perfectionist tendencies do not permit him to be a shirker .…” In short, let me add a screenshot.

 
I’m not even going to bother to gloat 😏. 

Now, over to two key weaknesses 😩: “No one is more critical than the Melancholy. With unrealistic expectations of others, they cannot happily accept less than the very best.”


The Blend – ChlorMel

For those who don’t know, a temperament blend is the combination of an individual’s two temperaments; primary and secondary.

Hmmm.. The blend of my primary (choleric ) and my secondary (melancholy) is hypothetically the blackest sheep of the temperament blends. The “😧👎🏾”seem to be more than the “😀👍🏾” for the ChlorMels 😩. ChlorMels who are as natural and raw as them come… let me just grab one or more screenshots 🙈. #WeThankGodForTheHolySpirit!

 
I’m not apt to be a dictator 🙄. Hate? I don’t know about that 😕. Love? 🤷🏾😂 Oh, please! Yes, of course! 😁

 
👀🙈 Too. True.!

 

You see? It’s not all bad 😏. Tim actually says our strengths and weaknesses are kind of balanced on the scale… I don’t know how accurate that is 👀. 

Left to me, I would be unbothered about improving some of those weaknesses because they’re just mentally convenient for me. I would think to myself, Why would they think I’m too fussy? 🙄 Can’t they see that it could be better? On what planet does this arrangement even look attractive? 🙄.

Then there’s the part about speaking my mind, whether or not the other person wants to hear it. I would think sometimes, Why should I have to go through the stress of finding a nicer way to say that this design is ancient and obsolete and a waste of time and resources? Why can’t I just tell him that he looks like a frog when he smiles? 🙄

🙈🙈

What Next?

See, the way this book is written, the strengths are discussed before the weaknesses. I like to have my bad news/ reports first, then the good ones. But the book makes it clear that those weaknesses are part of our being; they don’t make us less human. 

I’ve learned to embrace my strengths and deal with my weaknesses 😏. The key to overcoming weaknesses is to first identify and acknowledge their existence, then find effective ways of doing something about them. They can be worked upon. I don’t know who you go to for help with things that are possibly beyond you, but I go to God. And so does Tim. 

The most fantastic feature about this book for me is that it gives me an insight into why and how I can retune my weaknesses into strengths with the help of the Holy Spirit. In all my years of ignorantly being indifferent about my choleric emotional deficiency, I would occasionally feel the need to find a solution. I didn’t find any. My complete solution isn’t here yet, though. And I don’t know if it will ever be complete. But I’m learning to tone down the self-sufficiency (Zechariah 4:6) and look to God to help me practise 1 Cor. 13 and Gal. 5:22-24 effectively 😌. 

I mean, it’s amazing that as a naturally hostile and resentful choleric, I’m incapable of holding a grudge or treating people accordingly, based on the wrongs I know they’ve done. Once a few hours have gone by, I find it impossible to program my attitude towards them to match their offence. 

Like I said though, I’m still in the testing stages; part of my revisions are to temper my melancholy “realism” with optimism so I don’t emote pessimism. More so, I’ve come to appreciate the relationships I have – oh, wait! I’m not laying down my life for any friend, as it says about melancholies in the screenshot up there 😐. As much as I have bitter complaints about life, I have no interest in sleeping in a coffin any time soon. Even my best friends already know that I love them 😂. 

Furthermore, learning to hold those choleric comments in is also a thing because, as a matter of fact, I don’t want someone else to say to me the things I sometimes say to others in my mind – except there’s an existent mutual agreement on 100% undiluted honesty (my way). I know words can be very hurtful so I try to isolate myself and keep quiet when I know my sarcasm or “razor-sharp, active tongue” – as Tim puts is – is about to go into overdrive. 

Life is interesting, though. What is stereotypically termed as your own temperament weakness may be a strength to someone else, and could cause them to appreciate that attribute in you, especially when you manifest it. One man’s meat is another man’s poison 😏. I’m not talking about a sarcastic or caustic tongue 🙄.

Anyhoo, I’m still a work in progress 😌. Got a long way to go with *some* missing fruits of the Spirit 😩. But God is faithful 😅. 

Until you see me again, ✌🏾 I ♥️ you! Or do I? 🤔🙄

The “Who” Behind The Screen..

Let me introduce you to that woman who’s just typing away..

Y’ello! Welcome to my blog! Let me apologise, in advance, for the many exclamation marks and emojis that will follow. I can’t help being very expressive. 🙃

Anyhoo, my name is Manuella, Manny, for short. I’m a writer, talker, reader, critical thinker, lover of God, outspoken, possibly loud, sometimes quiet individual. Oh, I have a thing for visuals. Visual aesthetics are everything!! I do graphic designs for social media posts. 😎 I am a very deep and random individual, hence, my ceaseless writing and talking. I love to impart knowledge and wisdom, and to receive, equally. I believe very much in philosophy and in the social and human sciences. The human power of understanding is underrated. Topic for another day. 😄 Continue reading “The “Who” Behind The Screen..”