Why Do We Blindly Feel the Need to “Match Up”?

I don’t know if it applies to every single one of us, or some people are actually fortunate enough to never have felt the need or urge to match up someone else’s standards — or society’s standards.

Me, you normally wouldn’t find me trying to match or beat someone else’s game because I thrive on being weird and odd 🙊. But that’s not to say that I have never felt that urge to push myself to be on par with someone else.

Once, I so badly wanted to show my fellow everyone that something from my book of designs could become a reality that I engaged the services of a tailor that made me question my friend’s life choices, since she recommended the tailor. The outfit was so horrid, I had to saw through the bottom with a pair of scissors and hand stitch the hem back in 😩. Ended up wearing a really short dress (thankfully, covered in a black chiffon overlay) that could barely contain my small chest to a formal dinner 😓.

However, what I have an issue with (I’m talking from personal, very recent and now seemingly indefinite experiences) is matching up with someone’s standards, without evaluating certain things.

Why are they doing what they’re doing? Why are they doing it in that way? What are they getting out of it? Is that their lifestyle? Is it convenient for them? Is it a temporary thing or is that their life, in reality?

There are so many questions we don’t ask before jumping to the conclusion that someone is “doing more” than us, therefore, we need to meet up or be at par.

I’ve noticed from my experience of people trying to “match up” with me, that they unconsciously empower me to control their lives. Seriously, when you subject your lifestyle and life choices to other people’s standards, and to match their life choices or lifestyles, you are empowering them to control and govern how you live your life.

I’ve watched people whom I just started getting to know go from complaining about having to do certain things to start doing those very same things just because they found out those are the things that I happen to be doing. And these same people would’ve sworn that they absolutely could not do those things because of how inconvenient it would be for them. But get one thing: they never asked me why I do those things, and ever so frequently and naturally.

Why do we blindly follow in others footsteps?

If they have a child today, whether you’re ready or not, you decide to have one just because “s/he’s having a child”. If they decide to take up residence at the new estate in the city, you decide your house needs an indefinite break from you while you cosy up in one in that new estate. If they decide to start sleeping for 3/4 hours, you decide that you’re sleeping too much! If they decide to buy a new car, you don’t even listen to your account’s wails before you throw a mental party for your new car 😀!

With every step they take in living their lives, you’re trying to hop onto the same step without considering what you’re doing, if it’s right for you and if it’s necessary!

Who is this “they” that you’ve unconsciously given so much ascendancy in your life that they unwittingly dictate your life? Oh, wait. That’s even assuming they haven’t noticed that you’re reshaping your lifestyle and life choices to match theirs 😮 and maybe even deliberately making some adjustments!

Don’t compete with anyone, try to match up with anyone, inconvenience yourself or recalibrate your life just to “meet up” to anyone’s standards or lifestyle, especially if your motive is simply to “be like them”, or “do what they’re doing”. You both lead two separate, distinctive and unimaginably customised lives. They (both lives) were not made to be photocopies.

Do you 🤗♥️!

Conventions: Social or “You”?

Some of the older generation — and those who yield to everything they say because they don’t want to get on the former’s bad side — would say that I have wrong or lopsided ambitions or outlooks on life. And when I try to sell them a minute in my lenses, they say I’m stubborn.

Nah. They’ve got it all wrong 😏. I’m just not a fan of social conventions, [conclusive] generalisations and stereotypes. More importantly, I’m just convinced and clearly confident and comfortable in my beliefs and values, even if I’m the only one in my pool.

Sometimes, I stick out like a full lemon in the middle of a red velvet cake. I’m just not-your-ordinary-girl like that 🙃. Oh, please, this is not a conclusive generalisation 😂. In some instances, you just might find me seeming to follow social convention 👀. Here’s the deal: sometimes, I do; sometimes, I just happen to do be doing “me”, which is incidentally the norm by social convention.

For instance, I don’t believe that life should have a certain timeline with chronologically identical events, and that it’s how everybody’s life should go. Nah, B. That’s balls.

On the other hand, I do want to wait until I’m married to have kids; I simply don’t want to raise my kids with the risk of an absentee and/or uncommitted father, neither do I want to raise a family without a man I’ve got locked down (on all fronts) 😏. Boo, we in this together; ain’t no one going nowhere 😂! Jokes apart though, for me, marriage and family necessitate a greater sense of indefinite commitment to one person and eventually, a group of people.

“Those are the rules. That’s what we practice. It’s been like that for centuries.” Weirdest thing!!!! I took a break to watch Zee World (My Lost Home) 🙊 and I heard those words from Bridge (I don’t even know if that’s how his name is spelled 😂!). I just spent how many minutes reading through the info for the next week to see if his name was anywhere there, so I could dob the spelling 🙊🙈. Whatever (in Shabd’s voice 👀)!

Back to the matter. What in the world is “those are the rules”?? Who set them? Where are they set in stone?? What century do you live in?? Who dictates to you how you should live?? Society or you?? Or maybe me.. 😏😂.

You’ve probably heard it a million times, but there’s absolutely no valid reason out there why you should live your life following rules (so long as they’re not legally binding) that “someone” “somewhere” impliedly or explicitly set, if you’re not convinced in your heart that it’s a suitable way of life for you.

You came to this world alone; you’ll leave alone. Don’t let anyone map your life out for you. If it’s not God doing that, then it should be you. Not me, not Gandhi, not Shakespeare, not your whoever, most certainly not people you don’t know from Adam! Do you!

I’m hungry ☹️. Baiiii 🙋🏾‍♀️✌🏾!!!!

Wait, 🙊 I’m going to start a software engineering/development blog within the next couple of months 💃🏾. If you’re a fellow programmer/developer, it finna be lit 🔥🔥!!!! I take detailed ass notes for days!!!!

You Are All The Fuel You Need

A lot of people want to be involved in your life… wait. Let me rephrase that to match reality. A lot of people want to feel relevant in your life; they see themselves as stakeholders. In my language, such people often “overpatakilise” themselves; it means that they often overstate their importance in your life. I have such people in my life too, but I don’t take kindly to them.

I don’t know if you have these oversized visions for your life, but I do. Additionally, I’m a believer of the principle that you don’t beat your own drums in public; you let your music speak for itself. If I’m going to do something that’s massive, I don’t want enemies of progress all over my business so, I won’t announce it.That’s one small part of the discussion, though. If you also have dreams/ visions that are larger than yourself and scare you, carry on reading, soulmate. 😍

When it gets down to the nitty-gritty of taking our visions from “virtual” to “reality”, it’s only natural to want or think that we need support from others. We want to tell those that matter to us about our visions because we want to carry them along on our journey. Consequently, we may start to seek validation for our dreams from these people.

Seeking validation from people is only you looking to get your dreams crushed and buried before they’re even developed. The vast majority of people you’re seeking validation from cannot even see where you’re going with your dreams! They cannot grasp it! It’s like trying to sell laser eye surgery to someone who is decidedly and conveniently short-sighted. It’s that pointless.

Depending on the kind of people you surround yourself with — or you find yourself surrounded by –, you may or may not get the support you want. The thing is that there will be people that will actually support your visions and will have the ability to visualise your dreams with you. However, as is everything with life, you may not be so fortunate to have those people in your inner circle. Matter of fact: you may not even know them yet; or you could, but just not consider them relevant to you. That’s your cue to re-evaluate.

On the other hand, there are people that you’d expect to “understand” you, at least, but they will disappoint you. They will help you “rationalise” your visions, telling you to be “more realistic”; they will find indirect ways of telling you to “forget it”. They mean no harm, often; they’re only looking out for you and hoping that you don’t have your head buried in the clouds. 

The majority of people you come across will tell you that your visions are impossible or that there are more “worthwhile” things to dabble into in the now. The uninterested bunch will tell you that your visions are a waste of time and unnecessary. Although I wonder what — if any — place of love these ones could possibly speak from, most are simply myopic or faithless. But which ones do you listen to?

This is where it gets tough. This is where you realise that you may have to start your trip solo and pick willing and necessary passengers along the way, since you only budgeted for yourself. You’re going to have to push yourself because no one else will. Matter of fact: it’s no one else’s job to push you.

Hey, that is not to say that every single person around you will either discourage you or fail to see where you’re going. It’s your job to apply discretion and recognise those who do; those are the people you need on your journey. When you grow weary from pushing yourself, they’re there as backup.

For those who cannot see your destination — even with a telescope — you’re better off without them. Saddling them on your journey is only loading your boat with dead weight. They’ll be there every step of the way to remind you that you’re wasting your time.

At the end of the day, you need to be attentive to those whom you need to journey with you; those who want to but may be dead weight; and those who don’t even want you to start the trip because it’s a waste. The people you surround yourself with will either build you up or tear you down. In so far as you can visualise where you’re going and your faith is alive, that is all the fuel you need.

P.S. Jesus is the sailor of my own boat. I’m just chilling, letting the breeze blow away my anxieties… beneath my aviator shades. 😎

Until you see me, ✌🏾

Some Self-Love Ain’t a Bad Idea

I was feeling the need to appreciate myself today (not like I don’t do it every other day 😏), so I dug up some notes I’d made for future reference. ☺️

****

Life: Flights & Checked-In Luggage

There are some many aspects of life that can be likened to an air journey. This is the scenario: you’re travelling relocating to another place; city, country, continent, planet, wherever. You need to pack the things that are important and virtually indispensable; it’s a one-way journey and, after all, you have limited baggage allowance.

The day of your trip is here. You’ve done multiple headcounts of your belongings. Let’s hope you didn’t even forget anything. Time is far spent! You need to get moving!

Semi- finally, you get to the airport and you’re (please, imagine you are 😂) excited to enter a new phase of your life. You check in your luggage — remember that in these, are the absolute necessities, you can’t afford to forget anything important or valuable.

Do You Ever Just Sit and Ask Yourself, “What Have I Done Today”?

Starting the process of productivity can be difficult. This is how I sometimes get my own attention:

---

Brain: ‘ello!
Me: …
*stands in front of the mirror*
Brain: Ha! You will soon reduce from a bottom size 10 to a size 8. ☹️
Me: What! 😰 No!
Brain: 😂😂😂😂 Go to the kitchen.
Me: 😫😩 Yes, ma.
*scrambles around for what to eat*
Brain: Oya, go to your to-do list.
Me: *opens Wunderlist*
Brain: What do you do with your time? 🙄
Me: 😐😑
Brain: 😪 Which one are we starting with?
Me: 😫 Everything.
Brain: God, we need help. 😪

---