Self-Discovery: Ever Heard of “The Spirit-Controlled Temperament”?

At some point in our lives, we make life-changing discoveries. This is mine.

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If you were to wake me up and ask what my best book is, I’d say The Spirit-Controlled Temperament. It’s a life-changing book by Tim LaHaye. 

Wait o. All I’m doing here is sharing a bit of my journey of self discovery. 🙄 Don’t go and be looking for “So… what’s the moral of the story?”

Ok. So, what makes this book so fascinating? It helped me understand why I can come across as a grouch and sometimes embody a resentful, hard-driving, in short, Curtis Payne from House of Payne. It also made sense of why an unemotional and largely insensitive Curtis Payne can express so much concern for his loved ones, and be so concerned with social issues and others’ welfare. 

I don’t know if you like learning about yourself, but I do. Because even I surprise myself, at times. 

So, let’s dig in. 😁

Like I’ve said in one of my previous posts, I’m a choleric-melancholic, by nature. I’ll first break down the blend so you can understand why an undiluted combination of both can be lethal. 


Choleric

Oh, this is only in relation to me – for obvious reasons aka it’s my blog and I’m obviously using myself as a case study 🙄. I definitely won’t be telling you all my choleric and melancholy traits; just the ones that I find striking. 🙃

Ok. Stereotypically, a choleric is “hot, quick, active, practical, and strong-willed …. He is often self-sufficient and very independent. He tends to be decisive and opinionated, finding it easy to make decisions for himself as well as for others … By nature Cholerics have a serious emotional deficiency …. Choleric women may cry only when facing the most desperate circumstances.” 👀 (The Spirit-Filled Temperament, Tim LaHaye).

Here’s a screenshot:


🙊🤐

Now, my melancholy side.. 👀  


Melancholy

Tim LaHaye says the melancholy “… is perhaps the most dependable of all the temperaments, for his perfectionist tendencies do not permit him to be a shirker .…” In short, let me add a screenshot.

 
I’m not even going to bother to gloat 😏. 

Now, over to two key weaknesses 😩: “No one is more critical than the Melancholy. With unrealistic expectations of others, they cannot happily accept less than the very best.”


The Blend – ChlorMel

For those who don’t know, a temperament blend is the combination of an individual’s two temperaments; primary and secondary.

Hmmm.. The blend of my primary (choleric ) and my secondary (melancholy) is hypothetically the blackest sheep of the temperament blends. The “😧👎🏾”seem to be more than the “😀👍🏾” for the ChlorMels 😩. ChlorMels who are as natural and raw as them come… let me just grab one or more screenshots 🙈. #WeThankGodForTheHolySpirit!

 
I’m not apt to be a dictator 🙄. Hate? I don’t know about that 😕. Love? 🤷🏾😂 Oh, please! Yes, of course! 😁

 
👀🙈 Too. True.!

 

You see? It’s not all bad 😏. Tim actually says our strengths and weaknesses are kind of balanced on the scale… I don’t know how accurate that is 👀. 

Left to me, I would be unbothered about improving some of those weaknesses because they’re just mentally convenient for me. I would think to myself, Why would they think I’m too fussy? 🙄 Can’t they see that it could be better? On what planet does this arrangement even look attractive? 🙄.

Then there’s the part about speaking my mind, whether or not the other person wants to hear it. I would think sometimes, Why should I have to go through the stress of finding a nicer way to say that this design is ancient and obsolete and a waste of time and resources? Why can’t I just tell him that he looks like a frog when he smiles? 🙄

🙈🙈

What Next?

See, the way this book is written, the strengths are discussed before the weaknesses. I like to have my bad news/ reports first, then the good ones. But the book makes it clear that those weaknesses are part of our being; they don’t make us less human. 

I’ve learned to embrace my strengths and deal with my weaknesses 😏. The key to overcoming weaknesses is to first identify and acknowledge their existence, then find effective ways of doing something about them. They can be worked upon. I don’t know who you go to for help with things that are possibly beyond you, but I go to God. And so does Tim. 

The most fantastic feature about this book for me is that it gives me an insight into why and how I can retune my weaknesses into strengths with the help of the Holy Spirit. In all my years of ignorantly being indifferent about my choleric emotional deficiency, I would occasionally feel the need to find a solution. I didn’t find any. My complete solution isn’t here yet, though. And I don’t know if it will ever be complete. But I’m learning to tone down the self-sufficiency (Zechariah 4:6) and look to God to help me practise 1 Cor. 13 and Gal. 5:22-24 effectively 😌. 

I mean, it’s amazing that as a naturally hostile and resentful choleric, I’m incapable of holding a grudge or treating people accordingly, based on the wrongs I know they’ve done. Once a few hours have gone by, I find it impossible to program my attitude towards them to match their offence. 

Like I said though, I’m still in the testing stages; part of my revisions are to temper my melancholy “realism” with optimism so I don’t emote pessimism. More so, I’ve come to appreciate the relationships I have – oh, wait! I’m not laying down my life for any friend, as it says about melancholies in the screenshot up there 😐. As much as I have bitter complaints about life, I have no interest in sleeping in a coffin any time soon. Even my best friends already know that I love them 😂. 

Furthermore, learning to hold those choleric comments in is also a thing because, as a matter of fact, I don’t want someone else to say to me the things I sometimes say to others in my mind – except there’s an existent mutual agreement on 100% undiluted honesty (my way). I know words can be very hurtful so I try to isolate myself and keep quiet when I know my sarcasm or “razor-sharp, active tongue” – as Tim puts is – is about to go into overdrive. 

Life is interesting, though. What is stereotypically termed as your own temperament weakness may be a strength to someone else, and could cause them to appreciate that attribute in you, especially when you manifest it. One man’s meat is another man’s poison 😏. I’m not talking about a sarcastic or caustic tongue 🙄.

Anyhoo, I’m still a work in progress 😌. Got a long way to go with *some* missing fruits of the Spirit 😩. But God is faithful 😅. 

Until you see me again, ✌🏾 I ♥️ you! Or do I? 🤔🙄

Why Do People Find it So Hard to Mind Their Own Businesses?

Oh, for the love of those ones who give their unsolicited opinions or advice!

Until one of my Public Law lectures at university, I had thought that the term “busybody” was Nigerian in origin and in usage. I never expected to hear it outside Africa, at most. Meanwhile, as is everything with Nigerians, the term has many Nigerian variants (mostly Yoruba 😐): amebo, gbeborun, ekeebidun, eke is my hobby, ekenotu, gossip-gossip, aproko, pokenoser, I can’t even go on 😂.

Surely, I’m not the only one who needs people to start minding their businesses 🙄. A lot of the time, I wonder what people actually do with their lives 😕. I mean, if you appear to be so preoccupied with my own life, what else is in your head?

As much as I will come across as an open book (because I am), I’m as private as it gets. I don’t like people meddling in my life, even if it’s in something that’s readily obvious. If I don’t explicitly invite you, you’re not welcome.

I’m one of those irritable people so, I pay enormous attention to the way people behave around me. I hate it and it seriously puts me off when someone gives me unsolicited advice and thinks I give a damn about them or what they think. If I didn’t ask, it’s because I don’t care!

I don’t know who else thinks like I do, but I don’t like people asking me questions, especially unsolicited ones. So, I don’t ask other people questions that I wouldn’t want them to ask me, even if I’m the one who wants to ask a burning question 😂. 

Where someone doesn’t give you an invitation to comment on what’s going on in their life, or doesn’t ask for your opinion, you really need not give it. You can’t dictate or recommend to people — with your supposedly innocuous comments — how they should live their lives, or what they should do or shouldn’t do with it. It’s theirs to live; not yours.

It’s not my doing, most certainly, but I cannot remember the last time I poked my nose into someone’s business… oh, wait. I did very recently ask an acquaintance if she got married or engaged because I kept seeing her posts on my timeline that suggested it. I was just happy to see that people are already settling down 🌝. It’s not my business though 🙊. It even took me over a month to ask 😂!

Unless they’re my close friend or other loved one, I really don’t give a hoot what goes on in other people’s lives. My own life, that of my loved ones and what’s available on TV are enough for me.

I don’t know if you like or don’t mind people giving you their unsolicited opinions on matters that concern you, but I think I speak for the average person when I say that it’s unnecessary and unwanted. I hope people stay out of your business and I hope you stay out of theirs.

Anyhoo, until you hear from me again, ✌🏾

Do You Ever…?

A lot of thoughts running through the human mind.

😪 I have ………… 😂🙊 I’m trying to be serious here 🙊. I’ll suck it up. 😂😂😂😂 Oh, no!

Ok. Take 2. 🤐 I have these thoughts — hypothetical… and wishful — that I just play around with in my head, in my moments of solitude. One that has very recently and stubbornly been on my mind is the existence of a particular “phenomenon” that seems to be beyond me. If you know how to read between the lines, good for you. If you don’t… well, 🤷🏾‍♀️. I’d even only be able to say it to you in a pitch-black room! 😂

Do you ever find yourself inexplicably attached to someone and their happiness? 😕 It’s really hard for me to get my head around it, because I’m someone who even finds it difficult to develop or sustain attachments to people 😭😂. So, I don’t know what makes this one different 🤔.

Do you ever wonder what it’s like inside someone’s body, and what the world looks like (literally and figuratively) through someone else’s eyes? I do this rather often 🙊. I don’t know what differing colours or what differing perspectives I’m expecting to see, but I do wonder how you see the world. 🙃

Do you ever wish you could fast-forward time to when you’re “settled” (using whatever milestones do it for you) so that you can either push yourself more now, or use it as an encouragement for the now? I do, often for the latter reason. I’m anxious often, but not necessarily a lot, about when I will finally get the things I want for myself, so I can encourage my present self that it’s close enough (supposing it is).

Do you ever wish you had a special ability? Oh, who doesn’t 🙄! I wish my ability was teleportation 🏃🏾‍♀️. I ain’t got no business reading people’s minds or all that crock 😂. No offence to those who want that ability 😄; I once wanted it… but I discovered teleportation 😌. I want to be able to be wherever I want to be at whatever time! I sure won’t be where I am right now 👀! I’d be in the … wait! That’s my secret escape 🤐. Surely, I can’t give that away 😉. No flight or train tickets ever? 🙋🏾 Travel solo? 🙋🏾

Finally, do you ever go about your day normally and then get your memory jogged, only to realise that it “was in your dream“? More often than seems normal to me, my day is just in progress as usual. Then I suddenly have “a moment” and say to myself, Oh, that was in my dream! What am I on about? I would have just realised that a memory that came back me to me minutes before did not actually happen in reality; it must have been in one of my dreams the night before 😕. Weird? I really don’t give a hoot. 🙃 I’ve learned to live with it and just go “😃” every time. ☺️

Until you see me again, ✌🏾.

Is Anyone Really a Liberal Thinker?

Maybe we’re all partisan-minded in reality.

I recently watched a video where CNN’s Fareed Zakaria made me realise that a lot of us — including me — that claim to be liberal in our views are really not liberal, in fact.

Fareed’s headline was “Liberals think they’re tolerant, but they’re not”. I must admit, I did feel a tad bit defensive when I first saw the headline, but I immediately remembered that I shouldn’t “judge”. So, I watched the video and was surprised when I was made to realise the error of Continue reading “Is Anyone Really a Liberal Thinker?”

Some Self-Love Ain’t a Bad Idea

You come first.

I was feeling the need to appreciate myself today (not like I don’t do it every other day 😏), so I dug up some notes I’d made for future reference. ☺️

**** Continue reading “Some Self-Love Ain’t a Bad Idea”

What Do You Call Those Annoying Nitpickers?

No, they’re not called Manuella. 🙄

Do you know any one of those people who always have something to say about everything that’s visual? They have something to say about the manner in which everything is done. They always have a way with which they can make or do something better. Often, this pisses off the actual person who’s alr Continue reading “What Do You Call Those Annoying Nitpickers?”

So… I Tried to Get Some Writing Done… But These Happened

Ever Have One of Those Ridiculous Days?

I really did try to get some writing done 🙊 and so did my brain… but I was just too silly to be serious. Oh, come on! 🙄 We all have lazy moments. 😼

These were at random times during the space of n hours 👀:

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*lies down on the bed and typ Continue reading “So… I Tried to Get Some Writing Done… But These Happened”