Self-Discovery: Ever Heard of “The Spirit-Controlled Temperament”?

At some point in our lives, we make life-changing discoveries. This is mine.

Advertisements

If you were to wake me up and ask what my best book is, I’d say The Spirit-Controlled Temperament. It’s a life-changing book by Tim LaHaye. 

Wait o. All I’m doing here is sharing a bit of my journey of self discovery. 🙄 Don’t go and be looking for “So… what’s the moral of the story?”

Ok. So, what makes this book so fascinating? It helped me understand why I can come across as a grouch and sometimes embody a resentful, hard-driving, in short, Curtis Payne from House of Payne. It also made sense of why an unemotional and largely insensitive Curtis Payne can express so much concern for his loved ones, and be so concerned with social issues and others’ welfare. 

I don’t know if you like learning about yourself, but I do. Because even I surprise myself, at times. 

So, let’s dig in. 😁

Like I’ve said in one of my previous posts, I’m a choleric-melancholic, by nature. I’ll first break down the blend so you can understand why an undiluted combination of both can be lethal. 


Choleric

Oh, this is only in relation to me – for obvious reasons aka it’s my blog and I’m obviously using myself as a case study 🙄. I definitely won’t be telling you all my choleric and melancholy traits; just the ones that I find striking. 🙃

Ok. Stereotypically, a choleric is “hot, quick, active, practical, and strong-willed …. He is often self-sufficient and very independent. He tends to be decisive and opinionated, finding it easy to make decisions for himself as well as for others … By nature Cholerics have a serious emotional deficiency …. Choleric women may cry only when facing the most desperate circumstances.” 👀 (The Spirit-Filled Temperament, Tim LaHaye).

Here’s a screenshot:


🙊🤐

Now, my melancholy side.. 👀  


Melancholy

Tim LaHaye says the melancholy “… is perhaps the most dependable of all the temperaments, for his perfectionist tendencies do not permit him to be a shirker .…” In short, let me add a screenshot.

 
I’m not even going to bother to gloat 😏. 

Now, over to two key weaknesses 😩: “No one is more critical than the Melancholy. With unrealistic expectations of others, they cannot happily accept less than the very best.”


The Blend – ChlorMel

For those who don’t know, a temperament blend is the combination of an individual’s two temperaments; primary and secondary.

Hmmm.. The blend of my primary (choleric ) and my secondary (melancholy) is hypothetically the blackest sheep of the temperament blends. The “😧👎🏾”seem to be more than the “😀👍🏾” for the ChlorMels 😩. ChlorMels who are as natural and raw as them come… let me just grab one or more screenshots 🙈. #WeThankGodForTheHolySpirit!

 
I’m not apt to be a dictator 🙄. Hate? I don’t know about that 😕. Love? 🤷🏾😂 Oh, please! Yes, of course! 😁

 
👀🙈 Too. True.!

 

You see? It’s not all bad 😏. Tim actually says our strengths and weaknesses are kind of balanced on the scale… I don’t know how accurate that is 👀. 

Left to me, I would be unbothered about improving some of those weaknesses because they’re just mentally convenient for me. I would think to myself, Why would they think I’m too fussy? 🙄 Can’t they see that it could be better? On what planet does this arrangement even look attractive? 🙄.

Then there’s the part about speaking my mind, whether or not the other person wants to hear it. I would think sometimes, Why should I have to go through the stress of finding a nicer way to say that this design is ancient and obsolete and a waste of time and resources? Why can’t I just tell him that he looks like a frog when he smiles? 🙄

🙈🙈

What Next?

See, the way this book is written, the strengths are discussed before the weaknesses. I like to have my bad news/ reports first, then the good ones. But the book makes it clear that those weaknesses are part of our being; they don’t make us less human. 

I’ve learned to embrace my strengths and deal with my weaknesses 😏. The key to overcoming weaknesses is to first identify and acknowledge their existence, then find effective ways of doing something about them. They can be worked upon. I don’t know who you go to for help with things that are possibly beyond you, but I go to God. And so does Tim. 

The most fantastic feature about this book for me is that it gives me an insight into why and how I can retune my weaknesses into strengths with the help of the Holy Spirit. In all my years of ignorantly being indifferent about my choleric emotional deficiency, I would occasionally feel the need to find a solution. I didn’t find any. My complete solution isn’t here yet, though. And I don’t know if it will ever be complete. But I’m learning to tone down the self-sufficiency (Zechariah 4:6) and look to God to help me practise 1 Cor. 13 and Gal. 5:22-24 effectively 😌. 

I mean, it’s amazing that as a naturally hostile and resentful choleric, I’m incapable of holding a grudge or treating people accordingly, based on the wrongs I know they’ve done. Once a few hours have gone by, I find it impossible to program my attitude towards them to match their offence. 

Like I said though, I’m still in the testing stages; part of my revisions are to temper my melancholy “realism” with optimism so I don’t emote pessimism. More so, I’ve come to appreciate the relationships I have – oh, wait! I’m not laying down my life for any friend, as it says about melancholies in the screenshot up there 😐. As much as I have bitter complaints about life, I have no interest in sleeping in a coffin any time soon. Even my best friends already know that I love them 😂. 

Furthermore, learning to hold those choleric comments in is also a thing because, as a matter of fact, I don’t want someone else to say to me the things I sometimes say to others in my mind – except there’s an existent mutual agreement on 100% undiluted honesty (my way). I know words can be very hurtful so I try to isolate myself and keep quiet when I know my sarcasm or “razor-sharp, active tongue” – as Tim puts is – is about to go into overdrive. 

Life is interesting, though. What is stereotypically termed as your own temperament weakness may be a strength to someone else, and could cause them to appreciate that attribute in you, especially when you manifest it. One man’s meat is another man’s poison 😏. I’m not talking about a sarcastic or caustic tongue 🙄.

Anyhoo, I’m still a work in progress 😌. Got a long way to go with *some* missing fruits of the Spirit 😩. But God is faithful 😅. 

Until you see me again, ✌🏾 I ♥️ you! Or do I? 🤔🙄

Realist Much or Buzzkill?

Being a realist does not equate to being a pessimist.

I’m a logical thinker and a very realistic person, so much so that I’ve been told that I don’t know how to let people enjoy their daydreaming moments 😅.

Someone’s daydreaming loudly around me and I just unsolicitedly butt in and bring them back to earth. No, life doesn’t work that way. You can’t just up and leave and tour the country. You have to make sure that your bills are sorted for the while that you’d be gone. You have to research where you’re going, search for and book or reserve accommodation, calculate how much you’d need, so you can make enough money available. Yada, yada, yada. That’s me. Every single time. People tell me, You don’t know how to be spontaneous. You’re so pre-programmed! Sorry, not sorry 🙄. I like to be armed with information before I enter into something 😼. I don’t like to be stranded, physically, mentally, emotionally, however! Mind you, I know how to do spontaneous, just on my own terms. 😏

Now, I’m positive you’ve come across people drawing similarities between being realistic and being pessimistic. I’ve actually had a couple of people tell me outright that I was being pessimistic, only because I was just being practical. To be honest, I think it’s mostly the extreme idealists that believe realists are automatically pessimists. For some people, however, their realism borders on pessimism. Life is an arguably imbalanced mix of good and bad — and in my opinion — the bad weighing more than the good. That’s what is factored in, when a realist speaks. It’s the undiluted awareness of more bad than good that causes realists to sound pessimistic. We just tell it like it is. No watering down of the reality of things.

A pessimist, on the other hand, is often the one who just ignores all the good stones on the “good” scale and just sees “bad” all over the place. There’s always something bad in every situation. There’s always a hole in the rainbow that comes after every storm. The honey in the pot is always bad or infested with dead bees. The sun that comes after the rain will give you some serious sunburn. 🙄 It just never ends with them. Nothing good to say, ever. They, not the realists, are the buzzkills.

Here’s the thing: pessimists aka buzzkills are identifiable. If their input is never helpful and is ever depressing or discouraging, without providing an alternative, they’re a buzzkill, a pessimist. They shoot down every good idea, oh, and they never have any good ones either!

For some people, it’s actually their nature to be pessimistic. It’s obviously not a good trait, at least to those on the receiving end of the pessimist’s negativity. But, however pessimists make an effective journey to the border where they meet optimism, that is the goal.

Drawing a balance between pessimism and optimism is necessary, in my opinion. Being an extreme optimist is often equally identified with being an idealist. “This is how this should be. Things ought to run this way.” There’s nothing wrong with that line of thought. However, where it becomes a train of thought and it does not include facing the reality of “This is how this is. Things are run this way.“, you will have an idealist, who might even be an extreme optimist. The refusal or inability to balance ideals with the reality of things is an idealist’s woe.

In my experience, when a fair equilibrium between optimism and pessimism is reached, you realise that you have a balanced individual who knows how to dream and how to measure that dream against reality. You can’t have your head stuck in the clouds; reality will yank you out by the legs.

Until Friday, stay blessed! ✌🏾

I Opened A “Life Lessons” Note of Mine and Ended Up Mortified

When You’re Unsure of “Who” You Used to Be…

It’s Friday: let’s throw some wisdom around! 😁 (there’s a Bitmoji for that)

I personally think it’s wisdom to learn from other people’s mistakes, instead of repeating them for yourself. Yes, for yourself. It’s like you’re “trying them out” to see if they fit. It’s also wisdom (to me) to try to pick at least one thing from each day, or as many days as you are attentive to.

Enough.

Here are some (obviously, I can’t drop them all 🙄 they’re almost 8k words!) of the notes I’ve collected over the years, that I want to share 🙂 (see, I do love you):

“Life’s too short to be keeping grudges and plotting revenge. Enjoy your life and get back together as soon as possible, except if you’ll end up a disaster!”

“You know what destroys friendships? PRIDE!”

“You know what destroys relationships? LISTENING TO EVERYONE!”

“Cost-benefit analysis doesn’t apply to only Economics: it also applies to everyday life and decisions.”

“You don’t address people anyhow because you’re not in the mood. Everyone has their own problems to worry about, which you most certainly do not know. Yelling, cussing, ranting? No one needs it!”

“I still can’t understand why this generation is in such a hurry to grow up. I’m not grown, but from what I’ve seen, it’s a bit messy. Paying absolutely all your bills, working long hours, having to handle ¾ your problems alone, seriously falling in love, thinking about marriage? That’s the height!”

I don’t remember how old I was when I wrote the last one … 👀 but I still feel the same way. 😂 I have been through that “adulting” phase 😫 and I’d like it only if I were living alone. 👀

Meanwhile, I was going to do just five quotes (yes, they’re all mine! Thou shalt not copyright!), but I remembered that I don’t like odd numbers. 😬

Baaaaaaiiii! (yes, all those vowels are even-numbered) 😐🙊

Sorry, I came back. 🙊 I just read some of the notes I made relating to marriage. 😕 You’d think I’d off anyone who dared to propose. 😶 I’ve changed. A lot! 😂 I once loathed marriage! Dang! Oh, I’m not a big fan of it, just yet. 🙄

I just went back to the notes. 😶 I’m officially scarred for the night. 💀 I should go and sleep. And close the notes. 😐 Let me share one of them 😂 (withdrawal symptoms):

“A marriage of donkey years becomes boring, once the couple is claiming to be too old to be screwing, when one person has lost their dress sense, when they can’t look past the old bodies they see, when one person spends relatively too much time outside the company of the other! I certainly do not want that.”

Ok. Manuella, time to sleep!