Credit Alert: X Megawatts of Explosive Anger Transmission

Don’t offload volcanoes of your anger on others; it actually burns.

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Did you know that when you get angry and you go about your regular activities, there’s greater room for error, and for things to fall apart?

Did you also know that when in your anger, you talk to others, you are likely to say or do something to someone that will harm that person’s morale and/or whatever relationship you have with the person?

Most people relate these scenarios to romantic relationships. I think we’ve heard enough of those warnings. This one is for the casual, work and other non-romantic relationships that you probably don’t think of, or are indifferent about. 

I’ve witnessed people who have a good thing going with people they’re associated with, ruin it because of their anger. There’s nothing laudable about ruining someone else’s mood or day with your anger, especially when it’s explosive. 

If one person of event pissed you off, there’s absolutely no reason to transfer your anger on other people around you. 

Some people can take other people’s heat; some react by doing nothing and ignoring the agitated person, others retaliate by dishing it back fire for fire. Others cannot handle that heat; they cower and become sullen in disposition. Someone might have just found light at the end of a seemingly endless tunnel, and you just come yelling at the top of your voice, finding faults with things that aren’t necessarily faulty or worthy of fault-finding. In case you didn’t know, it’s nearly impossible that you’ve not just thrown darkness over that newfound light. 

Imaginably so, it’s a very selfish thing to ruin other people’s moods because you’ve just had your bubble burst and you’re exploding with red. A lot of us who are naturally short-tempered typically have a hard time controlling our quick-to-rise anger. One thing that works – for me, at least – is to quietly find a quiet space and either vent out or relax until we actually cool off. Walking about and engaging people and activities is a surefire way to transfer anger or frustration. 

Some of us offload a volcano on others when we’re angry and wonder why they’re not talking to us, they’re afraid of us, avoiding us or offended by our attempts to engage them. It is my opinion that if you think much of a person or the relationship you have with them, you will not have a go at them in your moment of anger. If anything, seeing them soothes your anger. So, if you’re offloading your temper on people that are supposedly important to you for whatever reason, you’re doing something wrong. You need to put a lid on your temper and how you handle it. 

Don’t take your anger, aggression or frustration out on others. It’s distasteful; it’s immature, actually; it’s destructive in ways beyond your understanding and imagination; it’s deplorable. I don’t see the remedy or mitigation in transferring the heat of your temper on others, when you can avoid it in the first place. All you have to do is keep your mouth sealed – since it’s the vent for your temper – and isolate yourself until you cool off. 

Until you see me again, ✌🏾 I ♥️ you!

You Are All The Fuel You Need

They will help you “rationalise” your visions, telling you to be “more realistic”…

A lot of people want to be involved in your life… wait. Let me rephrase that to match reality. A lot of people want to feel relevant in your life; they see themselves as stakeholders. In my language, such people often “overpatakilise” themselves; it means that they often overstate their importance in your life. I have such people in my life too, but I don’t take kindly to them.

I don’t know if you have these oversized visions for your life, but I do. Additionally, I’m a believer of the principle that you don’t beat your own drums in public; you let your music speak for itself. If I’m going to do something that’s massive, I don’t want enemies of progress all over my business so, I won’t announce it.That’s one small part of the discussion, though. If you also have dreams/ visions that are larger than yourself and scare you, carry on reading, soulmate. 😍

When it gets down to the nitty-gritty of taking our visions from “virtual” to “reality”, it’s only natural to want or think that we need support from others. We want to tell those that matter to us about our visions because we want to carry them along on our journey. Consequently, we may start to seek validation for our dreams from these people.

Seeking validation from people is only you looking to get your dreams crushed and buried before they’re even developed. The vast majority of people you’re seeking validation from cannot even see where you’re going with your dreams! They cannot grasp it! It’s like trying to sell laser eye surgery to someone who is decidedly and conveniently short-sighted. It’s that pointless.

Depending on the kind of people you surround yourself with — or you find yourself surrounded by –, you may or may not get the support you want. The thing is that there will be people that will actually support your visions and will have the ability to visualise your dreams with you. However, as is everything with life, you may not be so fortunate to have those people in your inner circle. Matter of fact: you may not even know them yet; or you could, but just not consider them relevant to you. That’s your cue to re-evaluate.

On the other hand, there are people that you’d expect to “understand” you, at least, but they will disappoint you. They will help you “rationalise” your visions, telling you to be “more realistic”; they will find indirect ways of telling you to “forget it”. They mean no harm, often; they’re only looking out for you and hoping that you don’t have your head buried in the clouds. 

The majority of people you come across will tell you that your visions are impossible or that there are more “worthwhile” things to dabble into in the now. The uninterested bunch will tell you that your visions are a waste of time and unnecessary. Although I wonder what — if any — place of love these ones could possibly speak from, most are simply myopic or faithless. But which ones do you listen to?

This is where it gets tough. This is where you realise that you may have to start your trip solo and pick willing and necessary passengers along the way, since you only budgeted for yourself. You’re going to have to push yourself because no one else will. Matter of fact: it’s no one else’s job to push you.

Hey, that is not to say that every single person around you will either discourage you or fail to see where you’re going. It’s your job to apply discretion and recognise those who do; those are the people you need on your journey. When you grow weary from pushing yourself, they’re there as backup.

For those who cannot see your destination — even with a telescope — you’re better off without them. Saddling them on your journey is only loading your boat with dead weight. They’ll be there every step of the way to remind you that you’re wasting your time.

At the end of the day, you need to be attentive to those whom you need to journey with you; those who want to but may be dead weight; and those who don’t even want you to start the trip because it’s a waste. The people you surround yourself with will either build you up or tear you down. In so far as you can visualise where you’re going and your faith is alive, that is all the fuel you need.

P.S. Jesus is the sailor of my own boat. I’m just chilling, letting the breeze blow away my anxieties… beneath my aviator shades. 😎

Until you see me, ✌🏾

Some Self-Love Ain’t a Bad Idea

You come first.

I was feeling the need to appreciate myself today (not like I don’t do it every other day 😏), so I dug up some notes I’d made for future reference. ☺️

**** Continue reading “Some Self-Love Ain’t a Bad Idea”

I Opened A “Life Lessons” Note of Mine and Ended Up Mortified

When You’re Unsure of “Who” You Used to Be…

It’s Friday: let’s throw some wisdom around! 😁 (there’s a Bitmoji for that)

I personally think it’s wisdom to learn from other people’s mistakes, instead of repeating them for yourself. Yes, for yourself. It’s like you’re “trying them out” to see if they fit. It’s also wisdom (to me) to try to pick at least one thing from each day, or as many days as you are attentive to.

Enough.

Here are some (obviously, I can’t drop them all 🙄 they’re almost 8k words!) of the notes I’ve collected over the years, that I want to share 🙂 (see, I do love you):

“Life’s too short to be keeping grudges and plotting revenge. Enjoy your life and get back together as soon as possible, except if you’ll end up a disaster!”

“You know what destroys friendships? PRIDE!”

“You know what destroys relationships? LISTENING TO EVERYONE!”

“Cost-benefit analysis doesn’t apply to only Economics: it also applies to everyday life and decisions.”

“You don’t address people anyhow because you’re not in the mood. Everyone has their own problems to worry about, which you most certainly do not know. Yelling, cussing, ranting? No one needs it!”

“I still can’t understand why this generation is in such a hurry to grow up. I’m not grown, but from what I’ve seen, it’s a bit messy. Paying absolutely all your bills, working long hours, having to handle ¾ your problems alone, seriously falling in love, thinking about marriage? That’s the height!”

I don’t remember how old I was when I wrote the last one … 👀 but I still feel the same way. 😂 I have been through that “adulting” phase 😫 and I’d like it only if I were living alone. 👀

Meanwhile, I was going to do just five quotes (yes, they’re all mine! Thou shalt not copyright!), but I remembered that I don’t like odd numbers. 😬

Baaaaaaiiii! (yes, all those vowels are even-numbered) 😐🙊

Sorry, I came back. 🙊 I just read some of the notes I made relating to marriage. 😕 You’d think I’d off anyone who dared to propose. 😶 I’ve changed. A lot! 😂 I once loathed marriage! Dang! Oh, I’m not a big fan of it, just yet. 🙄

I just went back to the notes. 😶 I’m officially scarred for the night. 💀 I should go and sleep. And close the notes. 😐 Let me share one of them 😂 (withdrawal symptoms):

“A marriage of donkey years becomes boring, once the couple is claiming to be too old to be screwing, when one person has lost their dress sense, when they can’t look past the old bodies they see, when one person spends relatively too much time outside the company of the other! I certainly do not want that.”

Ok. Manuella, time to sleep!