Why Do We Blindly Feel the Need to “Match Up”?

You really don’t need to recalibrate your life every time *they* change something up..

Advertisements

I don’t know if it applies to every single one of us, or some people are actually fortunate enough to never have felt the need or urge to match up someone else’s standards — or society’s standards.

Me, you normally wouldn’t find me trying to match or beat someone else’s game because I thrive on being weird and odd 🙊. But that’s not to say that I have never felt that urge to push myself to be on par with someone else.

Once, I so badly wanted to show my fellow everyone that something from my book of designs could become a reality that I engaged the services of a tailor that made me question my friend’s life choices, since she recommended the tailor. The outfit was so horrid, I had to saw through the bottom with a pair of scissors and hand stitch the hem back in 😩. Ended up wearing a really short dress (thankfully, covered in a black chiffon overlay) that could barely contain my small chest to a formal dinner 😓.

However, what I have an issue with (I’m talking from personal, very recent and now seemingly indefinite experiences) is matching up with someone’s standards, without evaluating certain things.

Why are they doing what they’re doing? Why are they doing it in that way? What are they getting out of it? Is that their lifestyle? Is it convenient for them? Is it a temporary thing or is that their life, in reality?

There are so many questions we don’t ask before jumping to the conclusion that someone is “doing more” than us, therefore, we need to meet up or be at par.

I’ve noticed from my experience of people trying to “match up” with me, that they unconsciously empower me to control their lives. Seriously, when you subject your lifestyle and life choices to other people’s standards, and to match their life choices or lifestyles, you are empowering them to control and govern how you live your life.

I’ve watched people whom I just started getting to know go from complaining about having to do certain things to start doing those very same things just because they found out those are the things that I happen to be doing. And these same people would’ve sworn that they absolutely could not do those things because of how inconvenient it would be for them. But get one thing: they never asked me why I do those things, and ever so frequently and naturally.

Why do we blindly follow in others footsteps?

If they have a child today, whether you’re ready or not, you decide to have one just because “s/he’s having a child”. If they decide to take up residence at the new estate in the city, you decide your house needs an indefinite break from you while you cosy up in one in that new estate. If they decide to start sleeping for 3/4 hours, you decide that you’re sleeping too much! If they decide to buy a new car, you don’t even listen to your account’s wails before you throw a mental party for your new car 😀!

With every step they take in living their lives, you’re trying to hop onto the same step without considering what you’re doing, if it’s right for you and if it’s necessary!

Who is this “they” that you’ve unconsciously given so much ascendancy in your life that they unwittingly dictate your life? Oh, wait. That’s even assuming they haven’t noticed that you’re reshaping your lifestyle and life choices to match theirs 😮 and maybe even deliberately making some adjustments!

Don’t compete with anyone, try to match up with anyone, inconvenience yourself or recalibrate your life just to “meet up” to anyone’s standards or lifestyle, especially if your motive is simply to “be like them”, or “do what they’re doing”. You both lead two separate, distinctive and unimaginably customised lives. They (both lives) were not made to be photocopies.

Do you 🤗♥️!

Conventions: Social or “You”?

We do live in a world that constantly tries to play “doll” with our lives

Some of the older generation — and those who yield to everything they say because they don’t want to get on the former’s bad side — would say that I have wrong or lopsided ambitions or outlooks on life. And when I try to sell them a minute in my lenses, they say I’m stubborn.

Nah. They’ve got it all wrong 😏. I’m just not a fan of social conventions, [conclusive] generalisations and stereotypes. More importantly, I’m just convinced and clearly confident and comfortable in my beliefs and values, even if I’m the only one in my pool.

Sometimes, I stick out like a full lemon in the middle of a red velvet cake. I’m just not-your-ordinary-girl like that 🙃. Oh, please, this is not a conclusive generalisation 😂. In some instances, you just might find me seeming to follow social convention 👀. Here’s the deal: sometimes, I do; sometimes, I just happen to do be doing “me”, which is incidentally the norm by social convention.

For instance, I don’t believe that life should have a certain timeline with chronologically identical events, and that it’s how everybody’s life should go. Nah, B. That’s balls.

On the other hand, I do want to wait until I’m married to have kids; I simply don’t want to raise my kids with the risk of an absentee and/or uncommitted father, neither do I want to raise a family without a man I’ve got locked down (on all fronts) 😏. Boo, we in this together; ain’t no one going nowhere 😂! Jokes apart though, for me, marriage and family necessitate a greater sense of indefinite commitment to one person and eventually, a group of people.

Those are the rules. That’s what we practice. It’s been like that for centuries.” Weirdest thing!!!! I took a break to watch Zee World (My Lost Home) 🙊 and I heard those words from Bridge (I don’t even know if that’s how his name is spelled 😂!). I just spent how many minutes reading through the info for the next week to see if his name was anywhere there, so I could dob the spelling 🙊🙈. Whatever (in Shabd’s voice 👀)!

Back to the matter. What in the world is “those are the rules”?? Who set them? Where are they set in stone?? What century do you live in?? Who dictates to you how you should live?? Society or you?? Or maybe me.. 😏😂.

You’ve probably heard it a million times, but there’s absolutely no valid reason out there why you should live your life following rules (so long as they’re not legally binding) that “someone” “somewhere” impliedly or explicitly set, if you’re not convinced in your heart that it’s a suitable way of life for you.

You came to this world alone; you’ll leave alone. Don’t let anyone map your life out for you. If it’s not God doing that, then it should be you. Not me, not Gandhi, not Shakespeare, not your whoever, most certainly not people you don’t know from Adam! Do you!

I’m hungry ☹️. Baiiii 🙋🏾‍♀️✌🏾!!!!

Wait, 🙊 I’m going to start a software engineering/development blog within the next couple of months 💃🏾. If you’re a fellow programmer/developer, it finna be lit 🔥🔥!!!! I take detailed ass notes for days!!!!

Are African Men Still Shouting “Masculinity” in 2017?

The kitchen is a forbidden room to some African men.

Yesterday, I saw a post by a Nigerian celebrity, where she was teaching her son how to make puff-puff (Nigerian pastry balls). Someone somewhere challenged this and said that the mother was ‘doing a terrible job by exposing her son to femininity’. This unenlightened individual also said that it is “unAfrican” 😐. As a sensible and humorous individual put it, this unenlightened individual’s ‘masculinity is so fragile that cooking or going to the kitchen will destroy it’. I agree.

On a deeper note, it made me question the content and the quality of what we’re inculcating in our African Continue reading “Are African Men Still Shouting “Masculinity” in 2017?”

1 Cor. 14: Did Sexism Have Some of Its Roots in the Early Church?

Times have changed, but has history?

At first, I thought Paul was just occasionally chatting breeze, but I realised that it’s much deeper than Paul, himself.

First things first, this goes beyond Paul or 1Cor. 14; women being barred from public participation in church, was a practice of the early church.

P.S. I read from the YouVersion bible app, and I study and read mostly in the AMP (Amplified) version by The Lockman Foundation. Continue reading “1 Cor. 14: Did Sexism Have Some of Its Roots in the Early Church?”