Credit Alert: X Megawatts of Explosive Anger Transmission

Don’t offload volcanoes of your anger on others; it actually burns.

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Did you know that when you get angry and you go about your regular activities, there’s greater room for error, and for things to fall apart?

Did you also know that when in your anger, you talk to others, you are likely to say or do something to someone that will harm that person’s morale and/or whatever relationship you have with the person?

Most people relate these scenarios to romantic relationships. I think we’ve heard enough of those warnings. This one is for the casual, work and other non-romantic relationships that you probably don’t think of, or are indifferent about. 

I’ve witnessed people who have a good thing going with people they’re associated with, ruin it because of their anger. There’s nothing laudable about ruining someone else’s mood or day with your anger, especially when it’s explosive. 

If one person of event pissed you off, there’s absolutely no reason to transfer your anger on other people around you. 

Some people can take other people’s heat; some react by doing nothing and ignoring the agitated person, others retaliate by dishing it back fire for fire. Others cannot handle that heat; they cower and become sullen in disposition. Someone might have just found light at the end of a seemingly endless tunnel, and you just come yelling at the top of your voice, finding faults with things that aren’t necessarily faulty or worthy of fault-finding. In case you didn’t know, it’s nearly impossible that you’ve not just thrown darkness over that newfound light. 

Imaginably so, it’s a very selfish thing to ruin other people’s moods because you’ve just had your bubble burst and you’re exploding with red. A lot of us who are naturally short-tempered typically have a hard time controlling our quick-to-rise anger. One thing that works – for me, at least – is to quietly find a quiet space and either vent out or relax until we actually cool off. Walking about and engaging people and activities is a surefire way to transfer anger or frustration. 

Some of us offload a volcano on others when we’re angry and wonder why they’re not talking to us, they’re afraid of us, avoiding us or offended by our attempts to engage them. It is my opinion that if you think much of a person or the relationship you have with them, you will not have a go at them in your moment of anger. If anything, seeing them soothes your anger. So, if you’re offloading your temper on people that are supposedly important to you for whatever reason, you’re doing something wrong. You need to put a lid on your temper and how you handle it. 

Don’t take your anger, aggression or frustration out on others. It’s distasteful; it’s immature, actually; it’s destructive in ways beyond your understanding and imagination; it’s deplorable. I don’t see the remedy or mitigation in transferring the heat of your temper on others, when you can avoid it in the first place. All you have to do is keep your mouth sealed – since it’s the vent for your temper – and isolate yourself until you cool off. 

Until you see me again, ✌🏾 I ♥️ you!

Realist Much or Buzzkill?

Being a realist does not equate to being a pessimist.

I’m a logical thinker and a very realistic person, so much so that I’ve been told that I don’t know how to let people enjoy their daydreaming moments 😅.

Someone’s daydreaming loudly around me and I just unsolicitedly butt in and bring them back to earth. No, life doesn’t work that way. You can’t just up and leave and tour the country. You have to make sure that your bills are sorted for the while that you’d be gone. You have to research where you’re going, search for and book or reserve accommodation, calculate how much you’d need, so you can make enough money available. Yada, yada, yada. That’s me. Every single time. People tell me, You don’t know how to be spontaneous. You’re so pre-programmed! Sorry, not sorry 🙄. I like to be armed with information before I enter into something 😼. I don’t like to be stranded, physically, mentally, emotionally, however! Mind you, I know how to do spontaneous, just on my own terms. 😏

Now, I’m positive you’ve come across people drawing similarities between being realistic and being pessimistic. I’ve actually had a couple of people tell me outright that I was being pessimistic, only because I was just being practical. To be honest, I think it’s mostly the extreme idealists that believe realists are automatically pessimists. For some people, however, their realism borders on pessimism. Life is an arguably imbalanced mix of good and bad — and in my opinion — the bad weighing more than the good. That’s what is factored in, when a realist speaks. It’s the undiluted awareness of more bad than good that causes realists to sound pessimistic. We just tell it like it is. No watering down of the reality of things.

A pessimist, on the other hand, is often the one who just ignores all the good stones on the “good” scale and just sees “bad” all over the place. There’s always something bad in every situation. There’s always a hole in the rainbow that comes after every storm. The honey in the pot is always bad or infested with dead bees. The sun that comes after the rain will give you some serious sunburn. 🙄 It just never ends with them. Nothing good to say, ever. They, not the realists, are the buzzkills.

Here’s the thing: pessimists aka buzzkills are identifiable. If their input is never helpful and is ever depressing or discouraging, without providing an alternative, they’re a buzzkill, a pessimist. They shoot down every good idea, oh, and they never have any good ones either!

For some people, it’s actually their nature to be pessimistic. It’s obviously not a good trait, at least to those on the receiving end of the pessimist’s negativity. But, however pessimists make an effective journey to the border where they meet optimism, that is the goal.

Drawing a balance between pessimism and optimism is necessary, in my opinion. Being an extreme optimist is often equally identified with being an idealist. “This is how this should be. Things ought to run this way.” There’s nothing wrong with that line of thought. However, where it becomes a train of thought and it does not include facing the reality of “This is how this is. Things are run this way.“, you will have an idealist, who might even be an extreme optimist. The refusal or inability to balance ideals with the reality of things is an idealist’s woe.

In my experience, when a fair equilibrium between optimism and pessimism is reached, you realise that you have a balanced individual who knows how to dream and how to measure that dream against reality. You can’t have your head stuck in the clouds; reality will yank you out by the legs.

Until Friday, stay blessed! ✌🏾

Parasitic People & You

How Many Parasites Are You Feeding?

Feel free to cut people off, if you feel the need to. It’s your life. You’re the sole proprietor. People who aren’t adding to your life, but are ceaselessly taking away need to be cut off. They’re dead weight of one kind.

Now, the other kind of dead weight: those who drain you emotionally. They always have their own problems and you are always the solution. It’s very bad. You also need a shoulder to cry on sometimes, even if it’s your own shoulder. How can you be there for them and be there for yourself, too? Are you superman or superwoman? (Mind you, I’m not a comics fan so, don’t even come at me with those corrections or objections 🙄).

Emotional dead weights are the worse kind, in my opinion. The emotionally gratifying feeling that comes with being able to make someone feel better, doesn’t let you realise that the person may not fit into any cabinet in your life other than “Needs Moral Support”. They don’t seem to be present in your life, except when they have a problem that apparently only you can solve. They’re emotional parasites; they’re insidious.

It’s always a good thing to evaluate your friendships and other kinds of relationships in your life. The beneficial thing is to do it yourself, else time and circumstances (usually negative) will. Oh, some people are mysteriously good at masking their true nature. You can only hope that they will be revealed before the 11th hour. The good thing about evaluating those in your life is that, you can differentiate between those who are adding value to your life, and those who are dead weight. In case you haven’t been told, you are a boat: if you carry dead weight, you can sink.

“Leaving” those people can be the difficult part of the process. 😪 When you become such a reliable and dependable source of solution for people, they will naturally keep coming back. You’re like a spring of life that they come to feed from, in time of trouble. They become parasitic: they just keep coming back for more.

Here’s my own solution (obviously for myself, I’m not a therapist 😄): I start by identifying what thing(s) they keep coming for. Then, I start to limit my supply of that service and, eventually, my availability altogether. I keep myself engaged and occupied so that, I’m not just there like a helpdesk assistant, waiting for someone to report a problem or come with a need. If you keep calling customer service and they literally keep you waiting for hours every time, you will eventually stop calling, since they’re always apparently unavailable. It’s the same thing with you and your parasitic friend or whoever it is.

Be wise: I’m not saying don’t help people. I’m just saying, don’t let anyone extract all the good from you, and leave you empty and just a shell of who you used to be. Like we say in Nigeria: I cannot come and die. Don’t let anyone drain you out. I hope you’re not a parasite. 🙃

Chatting with More Than One Person at a Time is Multitasking

The Struggles of Multiple Open Distinct Chats…

I don’t know how people do it, but I sometimes find chatting with more than one person at a time, a bit tedious. It’s at its worst when, I’m laughing my head off in one conversation, and I have to be either civil, sober, serious or anything but laughing in another. 😕 Sometimes, I find myself transferring my “😂” response from spying the message in a notification banner, to a totally not-funny conversation that’s open. It’s usually something like this:


*starts typing response in open chat*
*reads hilarious message in notification banner, in the middle of open chat*
Open chat text box: Oh, that’s so sad 😂😂
*about to hit ‘Send’*
Me: 😲
*deletes emoji and replaces with “😕”*
Me: 😪


Seriously, chatting with more than one person at a time, whilst expressing opposite emotions in each, is a soft skill. 😩 I don’t know if anyone does it effortlessly or with practice, but I need to learn. 😕 Or, one of these days, I’ll laugh where I’m supposed to be sympathetic. I don’t even know why it’s never vice versa: why can’t I put a sad emoji where I’m supposed to laughing! That’s easier. 😩

Now, that is my own cup of tea. Some other people battle with the more common mishap of “wrong chat”. Oh, I’ve almost had my fair share of that, more than a few times. Keyword: almost. 😂 I’ve taken screenshots of conversations and almost shared them with the person in the screenshot. 😩 I’ve almost forwarded confidential messages to the wrong people. And of course, the most common of them: in a moment of overexcitement or being overwhelmed by the volume of messages, I’ve one too many times almost sent the absolutely wrong (😰-worthy) messages to the wrong people. Thank God for *I don’t even know what saves me every time*!

Merely not dropping your phone — or switching it off or putting it on DND — and throwing your hands up in the air, with multiple ongoing chats, deserves applauses!! If you can keep multiple unique chats going simultaneously, you’re a star! (I may need your services at some point). Well done! 🙌🏾

Successfully multi-chatting = multitasking. We need to start getting accreditation and recognition for it. End of story. 🏃🏾‍♀️

“Friends & Loved Ones” Should be a Management Course

Who else understands the struggle of keeping in touch with them all?

Let me even just start by saying that I don’t have many friends. I’m one of those *whatever you want to call them* people who categorise friends. Yes, I have best friends, close friends, casual friends, colleagues, and acquaintances. Yes. You cannot come and be overstating your position and relative importance in my life. 🙄 Respect yourself. 😒 That’s how one acquaintance will come and be pulling some best-friend strings. I’m like, 😐 “Who are you, again?” Yes, we all have those people, don’t even lie, there. 😼

I like to play it safe o. I cannot come and be climbing ladders that are not in my lane. Ah. That’s how somebody will just go and embarrass you, you thinking you’re all that. P.S. If you’re not sure, when in public, just let the person introduce you and your corresponding status. Don’t go and be thinking that you want to network and make banter. Issa lie. Stay in your lane and just unlook. 👀 Works every time. 😉 Continue reading ““Friends & Loved Ones” Should be a Management Course”