Why Do People Find it So Hard to Mind Their Own Businesses?

Oh, for the love of those ones who give their unsolicited opinions or advice!

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Until one of my Public Law lectures at university, I had thought that the term “busybody” was Nigerian in origin and in usage. I never expected to hear it outside Africa, at most. Meanwhile, as is everything with Nigerians, the term has many Nigerian variants (mostly Yoruba 😐): amebo, gbeborun, ekeebidun, eke is my hobby, ekenotu, gossip-gossip, aproko, pokenoser, I can’t even go on 😂.

Surely, I’m not the only one who needs people to start minding their businesses 🙄. A lot of the time, I wonder what people actually do with their lives 😕. I mean, if you appear to be so preoccupied with my own life, what else is in your head?

As much as I will come across as an open book (because I am), I’m as private as it gets. I don’t like people meddling in my life, even if it’s in something that’s readily obvious. If I don’t explicitly invite you, you’re not welcome.

I’m one of those irritable people so, I pay enormous attention to the way people behave around me. I hate it and it seriously puts me off when someone gives me unsolicited advice and thinks I give a damn about them or what they think. If I didn’t ask, it’s because I don’t care!

I don’t know who else thinks like I do, but I don’t like people asking me questions, especially unsolicited ones. So, I don’t ask other people questions that I wouldn’t want them to ask me, even if I’m the one who wants to ask a burning question 😂. 

Where someone doesn’t give you an invitation to comment on what’s going on in their life, or doesn’t ask for your opinion, you really need not give it. You can’t dictate or recommend to people — with your supposedly innocuous comments — how they should live their lives, or what they should do or shouldn’t do with it. It’s theirs to live; not yours.

It’s not my doing, most certainly, but I cannot remember the last time I poked my nose into someone’s business… oh, wait. I did very recently ask an acquaintance if she got married or engaged because I kept seeing her posts on my timeline that suggested it. I was just happy to see that people are already settling down 🌝. It’s not my business though 🙊. It even took me over a month to ask 😂!

Unless they’re my close friend or other loved one, I really don’t give a hoot what goes on in other people’s lives. My own life, that of my loved ones and what’s available on TV are enough for me.

I don’t know if you like or don’t mind people giving you their unsolicited opinions on matters that concern you, but I think I speak for the average person when I say that it’s unnecessary and unwanted. I hope people stay out of your business and I hope you stay out of theirs.

Anyhoo, until you hear from me again, ✌🏾

You Are All The Fuel You Need

They will help you “rationalise” your visions, telling you to be “more realistic”…

A lot of people want to be involved in your life… wait. Let me rephrase that to match reality. A lot of people want to feel relevant in your life; they see themselves as stakeholders. In my language, such people often “overpatakilise” themselves; it means that they often overstate their importance in your life. I have such people in my life too, but I don’t take kindly to them.

I don’t know if you have these oversized visions for your life, but I do. Additionally, I’m a believer of the principle that you don’t beat your own drums in public; you let your music speak for itself. If I’m going to do something that’s massive, I don’t want enemies of progress all over my business so, I won’t announce it.That’s one small part of the discussion, though. If you also have dreams/ visions that are larger than yourself and scare you, carry on reading, soulmate. 😍

When it gets down to the nitty-gritty of taking our visions from “virtual” to “reality”, it’s only natural to want or think that we need support from others. We want to tell those that matter to us about our visions because we want to carry them along on our journey. Consequently, we may start to seek validation for our dreams from these people.

Seeking validation from people is only you looking to get your dreams crushed and buried before they’re even developed. The vast majority of people you’re seeking validation from cannot even see where you’re going with your dreams! They cannot grasp it! It’s like trying to sell laser eye surgery to someone who is decidedly and conveniently short-sighted. It’s that pointless.

Depending on the kind of people you surround yourself with — or you find yourself surrounded by –, you may or may not get the support you want. The thing is that there will be people that will actually support your visions and will have the ability to visualise your dreams with you. However, as is everything with life, you may not be so fortunate to have those people in your inner circle. Matter of fact: you may not even know them yet; or you could, but just not consider them relevant to you. That’s your cue to re-evaluate.

On the other hand, there are people that you’d expect to “understand” you, at least, but they will disappoint you. They will help you “rationalise” your visions, telling you to be “more realistic”; they will find indirect ways of telling you to “forget it”. They mean no harm, often; they’re only looking out for you and hoping that you don’t have your head buried in the clouds. 

The majority of people you come across will tell you that your visions are impossible or that there are more “worthwhile” things to dabble into in the now. The uninterested bunch will tell you that your visions are a waste of time and unnecessary. Although I wonder what — if any — place of love these ones could possibly speak from, most are simply myopic or faithless. But which ones do you listen to?

This is where it gets tough. This is where you realise that you may have to start your trip solo and pick willing and necessary passengers along the way, since you only budgeted for yourself. You’re going to have to push yourself because no one else will. Matter of fact: it’s no one else’s job to push you.

Hey, that is not to say that every single person around you will either discourage you or fail to see where you’re going. It’s your job to apply discretion and recognise those who do; those are the people you need on your journey. When you grow weary from pushing yourself, they’re there as backup.

For those who cannot see your destination — even with a telescope — you’re better off without them. Saddling them on your journey is only loading your boat with dead weight. They’ll be there every step of the way to remind you that you’re wasting your time.

At the end of the day, you need to be attentive to those whom you need to journey with you; those who want to but may be dead weight; and those who don’t even want you to start the trip because it’s a waste. The people you surround yourself with will either build you up or tear you down. In so far as you can visualise where you’re going and your faith is alive, that is all the fuel you need.

P.S. Jesus is the sailor of my own boat. I’m just chilling, letting the breeze blow away my anxieties… beneath my aviator shades. 😎

Until you see me, ✌🏾

Are African Men Still Shouting “Masculinity” in 2017?

The kitchen is a forbidden room to some African men.

Yesterday, I saw a post by a Nigerian celebrity, where she was teaching her son how to make puff-puff (Nigerian pastry balls). Someone somewhere challenged this and said that the mother was ‘doing a terrible job by exposing her son to femininity’. This unenlightened individual also said that it is “unAfrican” 😐. As a sensible and humorous individual put it, this unenlightened individual’s ‘masculinity is so fragile that cooking or going to the kitchen will destroy it’. I agree.

On a deeper note, it made me question the content and the quality of what we’re inculcating in our African Continue reading “Are African Men Still Shouting “Masculinity” in 2017?”

Do You Ever…?

A lot of thoughts running through the human mind.

😪 I have ………… 😂🙊 I’m trying to be serious here 🙊. I’ll suck it up. 😂😂😂😂 Oh, no!

Ok. Take 2. 🤐 I have these thoughts — hypothetical… and wishful — that I just play around with in my head, in my moments of solitude. One that has very recently and stubbornly been on my mind is the existence of a particular “phenomenon” that seems to be beyond me. If you know how to read between the lines, good for you. If you don’t… well, 🤷🏾‍♀️. I’d even only be able to say it to you in a pitch-black room! 😂

Do you ever find yourself inexplicably attached to someone and their happiness? 😕 It’s really hard for me to get my head around it, because I’m someone who even finds it difficult to develop or sustain attachments to people 😭😂. So, I don’t know what makes this one different 🤔.

Do you ever wonder what it’s like inside someone’s body, and what the world looks like (literally and figuratively) through someone else’s eyes? I do this rather often 🙊. I don’t know what differing colours or what differing perspectives I’m expecting to see, but I do wonder how you see the world. 🙃

Do you ever wish you could fast-forward time to when you’re “settled” (using whatever milestones do it for you) so that you can either push yourself more now, or use it as an encouragement for the now? I do, often for the latter reason. I’m anxious often, but not necessarily a lot, about when I will finally get the things I want for myself, so I can encourage my present self that it’s close enough (supposing it is).

Do you ever wish you had a special ability? Oh, who doesn’t 🙄! I wish my ability was teleportation 🏃🏾‍♀️. I ain’t got no business reading people’s minds or all that crock 😂. No offence to those who want that ability 😄; I once wanted it… but I discovered teleportation 😌. I want to be able to be wherever I want to be at whatever time! I sure won’t be where I am right now 👀! I’d be in the … wait! That’s my secret escape 🤐. Surely, I can’t give that away 😉. No flight or train tickets ever? 🙋🏾 Travel solo? 🙋🏾

Finally, do you ever go about your day normally and then get your memory jogged, only to realise that it “was in your dream“? More often than seems normal to me, my day is just in progress as usual. Then I suddenly have “a moment” and say to myself, Oh, that was in my dream! What am I on about? I would have just realised that a memory that came back me to me minutes before did not actually happen in reality; it must have been in one of my dreams the night before 😕. Weird? I really don’t give a hoot. 🙃 I’ve learned to live with it and just go “😃” every time. ☺️

Until you see me again, ✌🏾.

What Quality of Children Are We Raising in Africa?

The average African may be educated but is unenlightened.

I’ve been bingeing Instagram videos of Katie Stauffer’s twin girls and the McClure twins — oh, who doesn’t! 🙄 — for longer that I can remember or care to admit. I also occasionally come across videos of children who are outspoken, clearly smart, are exposed and whose parents are visibly interested in their development.

This is the thing: the average African — who lives in Africa or lived there for a long while — is very likely to think that such children are far developed than their years and are doing “exploits”. The truth is that these children are not necessarily developed beyond their years. They’re just surrounded by an environment — comprising of their parents, the educations system, the right media and more — that is aware of the need for these children to develop at the scientifically and academically recommended level for their ages. This type of environment is what is generally missing in Africa. Some are even naturally more developed beyond their years, but unlike their Africa-based counterparts, they are provided with the right resources to aid their development, and the right people to help them harness these available resources.

Once upon a time, I used to wonder why some people sound so regressive and unexposed in their thinking. My cousin made it clear: a lot are educated, but few are enlightened. A lot of African parents are educated but unenlightened. They are knowledgeable but they are not exposed. They are not aware of the potentials and the heights at which their children can perform. They are not aware that there are opportunities and more to life than what the African educational systems dictate. They keep their children shelled and sheltered from… from what please?

There are African children that are barely below the 2-figure ages, and cannot spell basic words. Their diction is below average for their age, their vocabulary is so sparse, their intellects are substandard. They are unfamiliar with a lot of concepts, with world histories, with world cultures, with technologies, with a whole lot of things. They are not exposed to the skills they should be developing; they’re not exposed to the tools and the facilities with which they can develop these skills. A lot of these children are smarter than years, but there is often no framework in place to allow the expression of their intelligence. It’s a huge shame that in Africa, we are proudly raising children who are significantly substandard for their ages.

I remember thinking more times than I’d care to admit during my degree, how much different my choices would have been and how my life could have panned out if I had more knowledge of the courses available at University before starting. In the average African household, there are only a number of courses a child can select from to study at university: medicine, law, engineering, accounting. Anything else is looking for trouble.

I originally wanted to study Fashion Designing but was asked to find a “serious” course. Fast-forward to my final year in uni and me almost crying every other day for my Law degree to come to an end. Still feeling grossly dissatisfied and unfulfilled, I am now chasing a career in Information Systems and Cyber Security, something I would have paid attention to early on if I hadn’t been brainwashed that those who study IT at university only do so to become cyber fraudsters (419ers).

The educational systems in Africa are only one of many ingredients that cook substandard children and individuals. The average educational institution in Africa does not inform pupils, students and parents/ guardians of the seemingly endless variety of courses available for study at university, inside or outside the country. They don’t do anything to kill the silly superstitions that certain degrees are substandard, insignificant or useless. They don’t provide career counselling. They don’t emphasise on the importance of aptitude tests and on their interpretation, and their application in decision-making. The average African child has to “figure it out all on their own”. It should not be so.

When will African-bred children start to sit at the same table with their inventor, media mogul, entrepreneur, developer, researcher peers? When will the average African child start to grow up enlightened and empowered?

Is Anyone Really a Liberal Thinker?

Maybe we’re all partisan-minded in reality.

I recently watched a video where CNN’s Fareed Zakaria made me realise that a lot of us — including me — that claim to be liberal in our views are really not liberal, in fact.

Fareed’s headline was “Liberals think they’re tolerant, but they’re not”. I must admit, I did feel a tad bit defensive when I first saw the headline, but I immediately remembered that I shouldn’t “judge”. So, I watched the video and was surprised when I was made to realise the error of Continue reading “Is Anyone Really a Liberal Thinker?”

Some Self-Love Ain’t a Bad Idea

You come first.

I was feeling the need to appreciate myself today (not like I don’t do it every other day 😏), so I dug up some notes I’d made for future reference. ☺️

**** Continue reading “Some Self-Love Ain’t a Bad Idea”