“Friends & Loved Ones” Should be a Management Course

Who else understands the struggle of keeping in touch with them all?


Let meΒ even just start by saying that I don’t have many friends. I’m one of those *whatever you want to call them* people who categorise friends. Yes, I have best friends, close friends, casual friends, colleagues, and acquaintances. Yes. You cannot come and be overstating your position and relative importance in my life. πŸ™„ Respect yourself. πŸ˜’ That’s how one acquaintance will come and be pulling some best-friend strings. I’m like, 😐 “Who are you, again?” Yes, we all have those people, don’t even lie, there. 😼

I like to play it safe o. I cannot come and be climbing ladders that are not in my lane. Ah. That’s how somebody will just go and embarrass you, you thinking you’re all that. P.S. If you’re not sure, when in public, just let the person introduce you and your corresponding status. Don’t go and be thinking that you want to network and make banter. Issa lie. Stay in your lane and just unlook. πŸ‘€ Works every time. πŸ˜‰

Anyway, what were we saying? Yes, friends and loved ones, issa management course that remains unspoken. There are some of us β€” including those of us with very few friends β€” that can have … wait, let me be honest: have, not can have a hard time … keeping up with friends and loved ones. (Sorry, but I just have to mention that I’m a pro at unlooking πŸ‘€).

Yes, back to the matter. Keeping up with people is not easy. πŸ˜ͺ On some days, I just want to turn off mobile data for my WhatsApp β€” because I have a bad habit of responding to my messages immediately I see them πŸ˜“. Oh, the only exceptions to the rule are those painfully useless broadcast messages. πŸ™„ If you’ve got the average, eternally paranoid African folks on your WhatsApp, you understand the struggle! 😫 I’ve started swiping them all the way to the right. πŸ˜’

But that’s not even half of the course; that’s just the course’s introductory lesson. More often than I would care to admit, I’ve thought of β€” oh, and shamelessly done it β€” creating reminders and sticky notes to remember to message or call certain people. At some point, I created a fortnightly rota for messaging my aunties. Monday, 20:00, message aunt …, she should be back from work at that time, and be about to make dinner. If you message her any later, she might have slept off. Tuesday, message aunt … at 17:00; the school children should be done from school, so she should be back home, by then. Wednesday, …. Thursday …. Friday …. Oh, I took the weekends off. πŸ™„ I need me some solitude. 😌

That nonsense about “if the person is important, you won’t forget”, is well, nonsense, as I already said. Bollocks. I have more pressing things to do with my brain space: like, which guys are on the playing field, which ones are subs, which ones have been benched, which ones have red and/or yellow cards, which ones are not even allowed in the stadium.

On some days, I scroll through my WhatsApp chat list or my phone contacts and I say, I haven’t checked up on this person in a while, let me see how they’re doing. Some other days, it’s, I haven’t heard from this best friend in two days! It feels like I last spoke to him last year πŸ˜• Some mornings, it’s, I haven’t sent this person something uplifting and inspiring for a while now. I hope he’s not deep in thought, again. So, I scroll through my repertoire β€” oh, yes, I have proud collections of inspirational, laugh-till-you-wet-your-pants, food-for-thought, brain teasing media from all sorts of places β€” and send to whoever needs them. For some other friends, it’s updates and feeds on previously discussed topics and new stories.

I just decided that that last statement needed an entire paragraph. πŸ˜‚ That is the module in which you write continuous assessments. Ha! There are “pass” and “fail” grades, as in, epic fail! You want to give one of your best friends updates on something previously discussed … but, which one of them did you tell? πŸ€” Was it …? Or wait, I told …, when he told me about that time that he …. No? Ahhhh! I remember! It was ….! Yes, it was him. πŸ˜… So, I give him the update: I’ve laughed my head off and given every last detail …, only for him to say, Wait, when did this happen? Who’s …? Why did …? And I’m just looking like … 😐 What have you done, woman? πŸ™„ Now, you have to start from the beginning! 😫 And, even worse, the person to whom you ought to have given the update is still there… 😐 Can I conjure your brains and do a telepathic session? πŸ˜•

All these people need files and folders in cabinets in rooms. They need archives and live files! Ah! They need tabs and bookmarks and highlights and sticky tabs and notice boards and thumbtacks. πŸ˜“ My brain is hot. No, seriously, I can feel it. πŸ˜•

Author: Manuella

There's an eternity worth of things to say, but to keep it short, I'm a very deep individual, an avid reader and student of humans and the things around us that we interact with. If you ask me, everything has the capacity to be the topic of a deep discussion, including toilet paper. In a discussion, I'd be that person that gets everyone (including the one who's making the most noise) to go "oooooooohh!!" My thoughts spark elements in people's brains. I love imparting knowledge and I kind of have an issue with conveniently unenlightened people, who like to voice their every opinion. I love the spiritual stuff!! God is too awesome for words. There's always something to blow my mind each time I plug in. God is so deep, it's ceaselessly fascinating for me. You should totally visit the spiritual part of my mind. It's indescribable. Insane adrenaline flowing in there!

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